Scribbles.

i am a nomad.

2008-06-02T04:33:00.000-07:00

I HAVE MOVED.

http://diversionroad.wordpress.com

but i'm not discarding this blog. 'Cause it's got Mummy's very nice layout that is too undeserving to be deleted and a tag board full of sentimental value.

School bags.

2008-06-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered if this woman has ever thought of bringing one huge Samsonite luggage instead of four small bags.
I miss school, although it has only been less than a week.
Nevertheless, it's so good to be back home.

Survey.

2008-05-31T07:02:00.000-07:00

LIKE WOW I'M REALLY BORED.
well not really it's just that carmen asked me to do this hahaha

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 10.15pm
Name: Rowland
Sisters: 0
Brothers: 2
Shoe size: US 9.5/10
Height: I don't know, 171.5cm i think

Where do you live: The Philippines, but studying in Singapore
Favourite drinks: apple cranberry juice!, coca-cola, coffee, water
Favourite breakfast: pan de sal with hot coffee

Have you ever been on a plane?: Yes, most recently on 30 May 2008
Swam in the ocean: Yes, if the water on the shoreline is considered part of the ocean
Fallen asleep at school: yes, during lessons, at school camps, and morning assemblies
Broken someone's heart: yes, yes!
Fell off your chair: Yes
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes. And she never called back. Ever.
Saved e-mails: No. What for?

What is your room like: Clean for a boy's room.
What's right beside you: An antique furniture set made of bamboo bought by my mother a decade ago.
What is the last thing you ate: Philippine bananas!!

Ever had chicken pox: Yes, it's my mother's fault. I still have some chicken pox memories imprinted on my back.
Sore throat: Yes, NOW.
Stitches: not yet, i presume
Broken nose: won't be having any till I start courting a girl.

Do you believe in love at first sight: before, yes. Now, NO.
Like picnics: yes, i love eating food outside the house
Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: I can't remember.
Last made you smile: Brad, my two year-old cousin.
You last yelled at: At my computer, when i lost a minesweeper game for 60 consecutive rounds.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: yes.
Kissed anyone: my mum and dad.
Get sick: YES!!!
~~Talk to an ex:~~
Miss someone: yes.
Eat: Yes. Of course. I don't look like I'm the person who eats three times a day, but yes, i did eat three times today.

Best feeling in the world: success, after a large dose of hard work
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yes whenever I feel like it
What's under your bed: cobwebs
Who do you really hate: I have no room in my heart for hatred
What time is it now?: 10:12pm

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: YES
Do you have any siblings: Yes.
Do you want children: YES! five healthy children would suffice
Do you smile often: i think i do
Do you like your hand-writing: A LOT
Are your toe nails painted: NO (wtf?)
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: haha. interesting question. probably Amanda's bed.
What color shirt are you wearing now: White. SJII PE shirt
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Packing my stuff.
I can't wait till: I graduate from IB and go to a prestigious university under a generous scholarship, graduate, become successful and happy, find my future wife, get married, have kids, live happy and contented, never fail to praise God throughout my life.
When did you cry last: O level results (same as you, carmen)

Are you a friendly person: I love to smile and laugh with people, but honestly, I prefer being alone most of the time.
Do you have any pets: yes. two bitches and one fish.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: at home.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: NO.
Do you sleep with the TV on?: NO. save electricity, save the world.
What are you doing right now?: doing this survey.
Have you ever crawled through a window?: quite a lot of times for the past month.
Can you handle the truth?: I can handle the truth but it scares me.
Are you too forgiving?: I think I am.
Are you closer to your mother or father?: Mother.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: I can't remember.
How many people can you say you've really loved?: approximately 5-10.
Do you eat healthy?: Who does?
Do you still have pictures of you and your ex?: Yes.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: Yes.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: Toilet.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: It depends on which group of people I am with.
Are you confident?: Whenever I feel like it

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. getting an average of 98% for all subjects
2. collecting pokemon cards
3. getting bruises and scratches once every month
4. singing, singing, singing
5. watching cartoon network the whole day as if it was a religious ordeal

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. get away with this survey
2. sleep
3. dream about wonderful things
4. get worried about the english texts I failed to collect from Mrs. Hammond
5. pray for my great-grandmother

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. junk food
2. different types of kakanin
3. banana-q and camote-q
4. pistachios, peanuts
5. toasted sandwich with nutella spread

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. save people from poverty
2. promote environmental awareness
3. SHOP
4. help my family and my relatives
5. buy lots and lots of food and get fat! hahaha

5 of my bad habits:
1. the ultimate procrastinator
2. kiasu! -.-
3. lazy
4. lack of self-control
5.

5 places I have lived in:
1. davao city
2. cebu city
3. manila
4. general santos city
5. singapore

5 jobs I've had:
1. student
2. -
3. -
4. -
5. -

5 people I tag:

joey
bo er
matthew yee
candice
rheyza

2008-05-29T05:49:00.000-07:00

Trente-quatre.

Something must be done. This can't be happening.

2008-05-29T05:44:00.000-07:00

It took me quite a long time to figure out
that I'm actually going back home tonight.

2008-05-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

I SERIOUSLY HATE STATISTICS AND PROBABILITY.
FUCKstatisticsFUCKprobability.

a tornado divided by two.

2008-05-27T01:56:00.000-07:00

Before Friday last week, I only had one purple stamp in my passport.
It was a straight line of curvaceous Arabic wordings. Perhaps the sentence that formed out of those curvatures was a direct translation of that utterly mind-boggling sentence hanging on top of the Arabic words: NOT VALID FOR TRAVEL TO IRAQ.
It has been imprinted on the very second page of my Philippine passport since I got it three years ago, in Davao City, and for three years I have been wondering why in the world would I be banned from traveling to Iraq. But it didn't matter, actually, because I wouldn't want to go to Iraq anyway.

...and because I have a new purple stamp.

It was the first time I rode a bus from one country to another, and it was quite a nice experience, although I did not really get to enjoy the bus ride because number one, Ah Long Pte Ltd was playing on the TV in front, the movie being immaculately annoying, disturbing, and lame, not to mention durian fruits as balls for a soccer game (I wonder how in the world Ricardo and Brother Mike found the movie funny), plunged me into a horrific situation of having to hide my eyes behind my eyelids for two hours;

and because number two, it was at night and the view outside was encapsulated in pitch darkness.

I found Ipoh very clean. It was a nice, small city, a silent town with a busy St. Michael's Institution located at its heart; boys and girls running around in scouts attire, shouting and merry-making in the wee hours of a beautiful Saturday morning, disturbing me from my sleep. I woke up.

Nevertheless, despite all that unfortunate and unprecendented 'natural' alarm clocks, Ipoh gave me a wonderful culinary awakening, which I owe to Ricardo's and Jonas' lack of breakfast-decision-making-power. Paper Thosai rocks.
I'm starting to love Indian food.

Thiara was the only girl student throughout the whole of the Lasallian Encounter. She must've been proud of it.

The sessions were enlightening and spirit-revivifying (I made up this word). I hope to use what I've learned in every moment of my life. The brothers are so inspiring (and persuasive). Talk about having no new, young, fresh brothers for 30 years after Bro. Michael Kum became a brother. It makes you want to raise your hand and say, Brother, do you think I have the qualities of a brother? Do you think it would be nice for me if I join the brotherhood. But of course, with that 40 students in that session room, I'm sure that anyone who thought of the same thing as me at that certain moment in time would soon forget about it anyway. Never mind.

And for the first time, I finally had a proper St. John Baptist de la Salle history lesson from Bro. Mike.

Brother Mike, thank you so much for giving that single last slot for me.

I hope my newfound friends will keep in touch. I'm always online. Just an MSN nudge or an SMS away.

2008-05-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

I dreamt about you last night.

You gave me a gift.

I left.

And I never opened it.

I woke up without ever knowing what that gift was.

AD space for rent

2008-05-18T19:57:00.000-07:00

Two favors from two friends. So it means that one of my friends asked for one favor, and the other friend asked for a favor.

*coffee overdose*

#1: Promotion

#2: Promotion too

leg.

2008-05-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

. - someone
! - rowland

. says:
how is johns leg?

! says:
lol

! says:
u dont care about john. u only care about his leg

! says:
what kind of friend are u?!?!

. says:
but isnt the leg part of john?

. says:
u smart boy :P

! says:
hahaha

! says:
well. u should've said "how's john? is his leg ok?"

! says:
(:

. says:
ok lah fine...ur english pro ok...i got only B3 for my O's

. says:
fine okay!!

! says:
HAHA

Food crisis.

2008-05-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

They say it's called homesickness.
Well, I think it's called a gastronomic catastrophe.
Curse the catered 'food':

My muscles are retrograding, slackening, like a melting jelly tongue ice drop. My brain has been maimed, and as a result my academic performance has transformed from nice gourmet food to undigested shit. My bones are on the brink of becoming osteopor-ized. My eyes are reddening, my eye bags are blackening, my skin is becoming cadaverous and my hair is transforming into dry haystack.

I need real food.

I need to go back home.

Whining.

2008-05-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

I have never felt this lethargic and troubled for the year 2008.

First thing that comes into my mind in the morning when I wake up: did I finish all my homework?

Second thing that comes into my mind: Quelle heure est-il?
If it's late, first thing I say: SHIT.

I hurry up as if I have been chased by a tyrannosaurus rex, tout le matin . It's been a daily routine to move at lightning speed.

Third thing: sleep in the bus. Making full use of it. Sleeping with an open mouth while my sound-isolation earphones are plugged into my ears. It's a terrible thing to do, but it's utterly necessary. I seriously hate the bus driver. He gets into my nerves. STOP that effing Chinese radio station. It SUCKS.

Fourth thing: Staying in school seems like forever. I hate it when the wall clock is behind you. You never fail to get a stiff neck during lessons.

Fifth thing: CCA. It's such an unproductive life. Plus no more badminton. My ultimate favourite CCA has been scrapped off its Wednesday schedule. How brutal.

Sixth thing: Lessons. I am seriously dozing off into nothingness and nowhere-ness. The teachers are astounding and impressive. But, there's just too little stuff handed out in lessons that internal assessments become humongous boulders that I can't carry from the classroom to the house and back to classroom again.

Seventh thing: Sleep. Sleep has become the most expensive thing in the world. I can't afford it with my microscopic $55 weekly allowance.

Eighth thing: Distance. Why does Singapore make traveling so arduous and painstaking and time-consuming? I feel like every part of Singapore is merely a walking distance from any point of reference but they make it in such a way that I have to cross the Andromeda galaxy first, swim the Sahara desert, blast a tunnel from one end of the sun to another, and hitch a ride with a humpback whale migrating from the Arctic to the Indian ocean before I get back to the condo. And it's an expensive ride.

My future refrigerator.

2008-05-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about it.

-17 to 33 degrees celsius may not be a bad idea at all.

2008-05-04T04:50:00.000-07:00

What's difficult about it is that no matter how much you know about the earth's core, if you have never witnessed the core itself, been there to touch, to taste, to see, to hear, to smell, to perceive its existence; it's hard to believe that what you know is what is true.

And if you have felt something that makes you doubt about life and everything that it encompasses, it's hard to erase the doubt within yourself.

You are not a human eraser. You can't simply forget what you want to forget.

You are not a mirror. You can't simply do the exact same thing that others do.

You are not a computer. You have feelings, you see.

You are human. You have the right to reason whatever you think is acceptably reasonable.

But, you are not alone.

He is always there. You don't need to see Him to believe him.

Can you see love? Why do you believe in love?

Once upon a time,

2008-05-04T01:54:00.000-07:00

Robin Hood liked Catwoman. But Catwoman really really likes Bugs Bunny.
Bugs Bunny likes Catwoman too.
So Robin Hood now likes Wonderwoman, who in turn fell for Robin Hood for quite some time.
Wonderwoman suddenly met a guy named Batman, and the two of them now feel that they like each other. Batman and Wonderman are falling deeper in love day by day.
Batman was in love with Mary Jane. Mary Jane loved Batman too.
But Yogi Bear suddenly comes to picture, and eventually Mary Jan forgets about Batman.
Yogi Bear liked Penelope Pitstop for quite a long time, until Yogi Bear finally gave up hope because Penelope Pitstop just cant be bothered. Now Mary Jane and Yogi Bear are getting closer and closer.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? ~Stephen Levine

(Work)^infinity = 45 points.

2008-05-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

I just realized how much work I will have to do.

SJI INTERNATIONAL GRADE 11 AND 12 IB CALENDAR 2008
MONTH	GRADE 11	GRADE 12
Jan	DONE	Extended Essay first draft to supervisors World Lit Essay 1 first draft due first English lesson
Feb	DONE	World Lit Essay 2 first draft due first English lesson after CNY
March	DONE	Extended Essay final draft by the end of the month TOK seminar First Group 4 internal assessment day Extended Essay complete by the time we return from the March holidays
April	DONE	Third Economics Portfolio due
May	Arts Week (week of 26^th) First submission of CAS Journal and consultation with CAS advisor	Third submission of CAS Journal and consultation with CAS advisor by end of the month Second TOK presentations
June	School holidays	All World Lit Essays final drafts due by the time we break up for June holidays
July		Maths coursework finished Mock Examinations? Second Group 4 Internal Assessment day University application process starts for February entry
August	Parent-Teacher meeting (Week of 11^th) First TOK presentations First Economics Portfolio due	English Individual Oral Commentaries Science practical work complete by National Day (teacher managed) Draft TOK essays in by first week of August Language Oral Examinations begin Complete Art works for exhibition
September	School holiday (1-5 Sept) Challenge Week (30 Aug – 5 Sept) Extended Essay preparation and planning Biology field work expedition 30 Sept – 4 Oct	Art Exhibition Fourth Economics portfolio due Final submission of CAS Journal (with Summative Reflection) and Final consultation with CAS advisor by the end of the month Oral Examinations continue TOK essays in by end of first week All coursework finished by the beginning of September University application process starts for July entry
October	Extended Essay draft title drawn up and supervisors confirmed School holiday (13-17 Oct) Examinations (Week of Oct 20^th) Second submission of CAS Journal and consultation with CAS advisor by the end of the month Preparatory sessions for university applications (After October holidays
November	Reports (Week of Nov 10^th) Extended Essay plan given to supervisors Second Economics portfolio due Group 4 project, week of the 17^th School musical (week of 24^th)	IB examinations
December	School holiday (1 Dec – 2 Jan) Bulk of extended Essay writing can go on	Issue of results

Sequels are not good for the wallet.

2008-05-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

I am still seriously in doubt about Hollywood's level of knowledge of chemistry.

I can't seem to figure out how can an iron metal be the same as a complex titanium alloy.

Nevertheless, it was a great movie.

Hopefully there will be no sequels. They ruin the whole thing, you see.

It's better to leave things as they were when we left them.

Right, Peter Parker 3? Peter Parker 1 was much much better. I don't like emo superheroes.

2008-05-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

Kids these days.
Testosterone and Oestrogen levels at all-time highs.
They have nothing else to do.
It's becoming a bawdy-house.

déchiré entre ceci et celui.

2008-05-01T00:55:00.000-07:00

No buttercup.

**********

We realize our dilemma goes deeper than shortage of time; it is basically a problem of priorities. We confess, we have left undone those things ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done.

**********

It takes a lot of effort to be laborious on Labor day. Today is Labor day, if you did not realize. A day where everyone is either

stoning and watching the vast expanse of nothingness, like me,

listening to Tamil (mind you, Tamil) Sri Lankan music, like Nalaka,

watching The Other Boleyn Girl and getting enjoyably pissed after watching it, like Amanda,

fleeing away from their homes, like Ian and Danusha who are here in Lor N Telok Kurau,

or lying down on a minuscule couch reading This Earth of Mankind with eyes closed, like Savy.

Such a boring and useless day. Seriously.
I'd rather have lessons in school.

*********

Yesterday, I saw you before the sun shone its last. You unrelentingly made my day.

You left me with a smile.

I looked for you throughout the night. Glanced to the left, to the right. You were nowhere to be found. Still, I kept on singing. I wished you were there.

I miss you today.

*********

I woke up today. The dream engraved itself inside my mind, a memory that will never be erased. It was the second longest conversation I've had with you ever since I met you. Still, it was only in a dream.

I know that you know when we had our longest talk.
I miss that day. That night. That day. Whatever.

*********

Happy eighteenth.

2008-04-30T19:14:00.001-07:00

I know this is too late to do it, but I just feel that obligatory sense running through my head, as if this was some unfinished homework in its epitomic miserableness in dire need of attention and dedication. Just kidding, John. :D

Well, I was just busy these past few days, doing homework, projects, those sorts of activities that require mental and emotional mutilation. School has been a concoction of happy and depressing moments, which makes it kind of 'not boring'. At one time, you feel so delighted, and then suddenly after a while you go on an emotional rampage. Which is kind of cool, 'cause it's not a monotonous, monochromatic life I usually encounter during my holidays. There are ups and downs, gauches and droites, bitch talks and praises, fallacies and rhetorical ploys, whatever.

And so, I just feel that it is my obligation to post this photo on my blog, although Joey has the same photo on hers.

It was fun guys. I enjoyed it.
See Joey's blog for a recount of what happened. I'm too lazy to do it.
It's so good to be 18, John, isn't it?

And it's Eskor's Labour Day Birthday today. :D
happy eighteenth as well.

*********

September seems to be so far away.

2008-04-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

He contrived a clever way to escape.
Managed to pull it off.
Everyone believed what he said.

But at first, he didn't mean it.
Everything he said was a lie.

Now, things have changed.
Like the single fraction of time that has just passed by, the past will never come back again.
He's ready to face the new reality.
The dream that he made for himself has finally come true.

But it is a fact that he lied; he can never be forgiven.

2008-04-27T05:42:00.001-07:00

sji-I.

It's so hard to mix oil with water. The oil always floats on top while the water sinks to the bottom.

2008-04-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

fantastic. i tell you. fantastic.
By the way, he's half-Filipino.

The dressing room.

2008-04-26T05:18:00.000-07:00

Dressing rooms. If you don't know what dressing rooms are, go to a nearby mall.

Dressing rooms are unique in the sense that they are for the public's private use, and they are located in the cornermost areas you never knew existed. Which makes them perfect hotspots for adventurous souls.

Giggles and shrieks and laughters, followed by occasional 'uuuhhhs' and 'aahhhhs'.

Good heavens. Didn't they realize that everyone can hear them? John Little must be having fun with someone else inside.

Oh, and by the way, if you do plan to venture, do bring your undies back home. People might mistake it for a lost display underwear.

old and new.

2008-04-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

You never know what lies ahead.
Before, you wished for it so badly.
And now, you don't even think of it.
Like you've forgotten it. Cause you've found something else.
As if it was last year's i pod classic left to rot inside the cupboard; you thought you lost it, and you never knew that it's always been there, but you never realized it was because you have found yourself your brand new i pod touch.

**********

oh, i totally forgot to greet Calvin Sy a happy birthday!! ):
happy belated birthday man. Sorry I wasn't able to meet you guys at OH.
All the best in your JC life!

Refusal.

2008-04-21T08:43:00.000-07:00

It really saddens me more when I read happy blogs. I feel like I'm in a shit-why-is-everyone-else-so-happy kind of mood. To hear stories about people who have just enjoyed their day with their friends, hanging out and making fun out of random things. It makes me realise how alone and how unsatisfying my life is.

Well, I'm not blaming anyone. I'm slashing my own wrists by forcing myself to feel such things. It's just that, there are so many things going around my head these past few days that no one else knows, problems which I have been keeping to myself for ages. Problems which, even if I announce to the whole world, would do no harm nor help for me. Life has been undeniably unbearable. January and February were amazing months for me, but as the March holidays started, everything just seems to become a rubbish pile of bad memories unworthy of reminiscing.

I look at myself at the mirror and I see a living corpse. I even wonder if I'm still alive. I even wonder if I exist now. People seemed to have changed, all of them. Or is it just me?
Most friends have left, but fortunately some have not forgotten about me. Guess that's the only good thing worth cherishing now. School is becoming a hell. At first, work was always good. No matter how difficult it was, work was always good. Now, I can't even tell myself that.

And the past. It keeps haunting me back.
And love? It's non-existent now.

Well, the very essence about all these things, is that I know the reason why I'm feeling this.
He knows it.
He understands.
He's just waiting for me to come back.

2008-04-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

She is a complicated woman. One look at her, and you will already notice that she's that friendly sort of person, who would love to talk to you about everything in the world, until the sun has died out and moon has vanquished beneath the darkness of the sky. She's that sort of woman who would encourage you to keep on trying to do your best amidst the severities of life brought about by the powerful thing we call 'high expectations' from the many people who still try not to believe that you are intellectually incapacitated. 'I think if you try, you can do it,' is the cliched and humane version of 'Do well, or I'll send you home'.

Anyway, back to her.

She's that type of person that you will meet on the road and not know about her unless you google her name on your computer. She makes weird remarks, as if she was her own punctuation at the end of every sentence she says. She expresses her feelings in a different manner, as if she was from some landlocked tribe deep in the heart of a jungle. She looks at you as if she can see through your clothes, and it makes you feel weird. She has this magical aura encapsulating her, and it's contagious.

I happened to bump into her again today, in a place where I never expected we would meet, and the memories just seemed to rush inside myself like a raging river.
I missed you, and I never knew it until I saw you again.

2008-04-19T03:08:00.000-07:00

I walk along that road everyday. You never knew.
I always stop by for a while, to catch a glimpse of you.
The shiny, straight, jet black hair, that makes me always stop and stare
The first day I saw you smile, I told myself it's true

That I want to know you more, I want to know your name
I wish to hold your hand, and hold mine just the same
I wish to see you smile, and look into my eyes
I think I'm feeling something, a new love in disguise.

2008-04-17T04:38:00.000-07:00

don't make me do it.
please.

Anonymity and Unknowability,

2008-04-16T03:29:00.000-07:00

I may not know who Mr. Anonymous and Mr. Author Unknown are, but surely, whatever comes out of their mouths always becomes immortalized in the world of quotes and sayings.
I have been making an occasional quote-hopping over the internet these past few weeks, for a reason uncharted inside my head, amidst the fact that the demand for schoolwork has been increasing exponentially.

I blame ACSI(IB) for this. haha. Blaming in a good way. The first batch of IB students in ACSI did so fantastically well in their IB exams, that they shook everyone in the Singapore IB world out of their bums. Now, as SJII has started its first year in IB, they want us to do the same feat. I understand the unfathomable desire to do well. To exceed expectations. I understand the horrible workload. Actually it's a good thing. But, I'm still too emotionally unstable to stand up without having to hold onto the rails inside the IB train. I feel like alighting at the nearest stop to take a breather. I feel like escaping the confines of the train. I feel like pushing the emergency button. That green button, red button, whatever button that is.

Well, back to the real topic. I've been reading quotes about promises.
A promise made is debt unpaid. ~Robert Service
The promises of yesterday are the taxes of today. ~William Lyon MacKenzie
Promises are like crying babies inside a theatre, they should be carried out at once. ~Norman Vincent Peale

But I think the best quotes ever are either from Mr. Anonymous or Mr. Author Unknown.
Like this one:

Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver. ~Author Unknown

See?

Anyway, I just made a promise with Nalaka and Savy, and it's the biggest promise I have made so far, because it involves my emotional aspect of life. You know, when you promise not to do or not to feel something that you want to do or feel so badly. When you can't just sit still in one place because that something keeps on recurring in your mind over and over? When you can't just keep it to yourself and want to tell other people how much, how badly, how seriously you want to express that something?

That's the promise I made. I just committed an emotional suicide. I'll be going nuts soon.

Convoluted convo.

2008-04-12T22:24:00.000-07:00

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
haha, how is it ever possible to like someone when you don't share your feelings and stuff with the other person?

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
i mean, talking about your personal life and things, that not everyone gets to know.

.rowland. says:
so you mean.. what?

.rowland. says:
what do you mean

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
I mean, how is it possible to like someone without knowing alot about the person and his/her true life and personality

.rowland. says:
haha.

.rowland. says:
hmm.. good question.

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
which is why ***** *** * **** **** ***.

.rowland. says:
but the better question is: why is it that when we know a person's true life and personality, we can't bring ourselves to like him/her anymore.

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
no, we can. I mean, if you can share everything with him/her and you learn to accept his/her pros and cons... wouldn it make a better relationship. rather than liking on the superficial.

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
**** ****** *** *******, who would soon *** i think.

.rowland. says:
haha.

.rowland. says:
maybe.

.rowland. says:
quite true.

.rowland. says:
BUT the world doesnt turn around the way you think it is.

.rowland. says:
it doesnt work that way.

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
okay I am blur.

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
haha

.rowland. says:
you like someone because you find something special in him/her.. and then.. you admit.. both admit.. and there comes the knowing process. you get to know each other along the way. if you each other along very well, then the relationship stabilizes. but if you fail to know each other, it just rots like a banana left on the table for days

.rowland. says:
you can't just possibly say. hey. i want to know more about you, so that when i truly know who you are, i can start liking you,

.rowland. says:
isnt that styupid

.rowland. says:
*stupid

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
okay

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
it makes sense now.

[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says:
haha

A long post after a long abstinence.

2008-04-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about what to blog about since a million things have happened to me in this vast expanse of two weeks, one little thing after another, day after day, like components of a BigMac piled up high, squeezed between bread buns, forming a complex, harmonious, and delicious delight worth feasting over and over again.

Okay, I'll talk about yesterday because it's the freshest BigMac I have in my mind right now.

Yesterday was a pretty long day, a pretty long day indeed, a happy and enjoyable and tiring day for me. I woke up at 830 am, abhorrently early, and got myself ready to go to school to do my mathematics project. As usual, the bus ride + 'walk' ride to school was a cataclysmic change to my mood. It seemed like forever when you ride on bus 14 and then bus 162, and then climb the overpass like you're climbing a mountain, and climb the SJII hill as if hell was above the earth and not below the ground. And Juns!! She said she was coming in twenty minutes. Her twenty minutes seemed to be a lot shorter than what I thought twenty minutes could be, 'cause she had a nice comfy car to ride on while on the other hand I had to rely on my nearly-obliterated feet to bring myself all the way to school. We tried opening the grade 11 center but it was closed, as what we expected. I gathered all my guts to storm Mr. Bennett's office with a dazzling smile, a smile of solicitation, and fortunately we were granted permission to use the center. But the guard was nowhere to be found so we weren't able to open it up. Sarah then arrived, wondering why in the world Rowland was in the school as well. Samantha then arrived, also wondering why in the world Rowland was in the school as well. I went scavenging for the guard, and I found him enjoying the pleasures of solitude outside the chapel. He was trailing me behind as if I had a rope tied around him, bringing him in front of the center. Finally, the door was opened, and we spent our time doing our own school agendas.

And as usual, distractions can never be avoided. Sameer appeared, and obviously, I ended up fooling around with him. Notepad conversations are fun!

Sam: SOMEONES GETTING *****! GO ROWLAND!!!!!!

Sam: so? Well on a scale of one to ten... how much do u **** ***?

Rowland: 8

Sam: WOW! That more or less a C****!! NEARLY A BIG ONE!

Rowland: I DUNNO. I L*** *** BUT I DUN WANNA BE A******D (THAT IS, IF *** ***** ME ***). NO ** POLICY

Sam: YEA i understand the no ** policy but asking you to c*** **** means something rowie.. something juicy! What say u?

Rowland: Well. I dun really give a shit. Cant be bothered

Sam: well i think u might be bothered a little cos you actually **** here at 10 even though u c**** h*** s****d h**e and s***p... That means something rowie. You cant fool me. Im Dr Feelgood, the PhD in ***
hahaaa =D

Rowland: (nods)

Sam: hahaaa =D
WOOO HOO that means YES! do i will not... we are discussing about your possible future **********... this is juicy stuff baby

Rowland: future ********** apa?!?! are u kidding me

Sam: nope common.., anything can happen. you know it. listen to the song. u wouldnt want to miss a thing
no? apa? you dont want to a** h** o** at least?

Rowland: i will be distracted like u are distracting me now

Sam: with good reason

Rowland: damn u

Sam: you dig? homie?
dont miss a thing. i think *** asking you to **** **** means **** ***** you. and i am getting hungry

Rowland: ***'* just being friendly DUH. i'm hungry too

Sam: friendly.. PUHLEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
LIES. U KNOW. OK.... MY LOVE HUNGRY FRIEND

Rowland: ANYWAY. ***** IZ **** TOO =d

Sam: is that how u play now huh? well i dont **** *** anymore... hahaha ...!!!!! comeback of the year.

Rowland: haha i soooooooooo dont believe you
actually.. yeah i believe you

Sam: hahaahahah one night and one more time
thanks for the memories.
:P

Rowland: lemme do my work

Sam: k. now i will mr imperial **n****.

Another distraction came to life in the form of Sid. Sid and Sam needed to do their TOK project, and I felt it was more necessary than my maths project, so I decided to lend my laptop to them. They ended up in msn and crashing into my search history. Perverts. I know how to erase my search history dude. hahaha

At around 1pm, Juns, Sameer, Sid, Sarah, and I went to Novena Square to eat lunch at Subway. As usual, I had an Italian B.M.T. As far as I can remember, I have only eaten two types of Subway meal. Cold Cut Trio and Italian B.M.T. We saw Mr. Bennett and his granddaughter! She was mad at Juns and Sarah, ignored poor Sid, and played with Sam. But she was staring at me for the longest time. Hahaha. Am I the father material? haha.

I needed to hurry up to go back to school, so I took a cab and Sam and Sid tagged along with me. There was a huge traffic jam. It was so annoying; to see the taxi meter increasing exponentially was catastrophic. I was frustrated. I just got my allowance! My freaking allowance! And there's a traffic jam! Shit?

I arrived in school for the choir performance. 'Impromptu' choir performance, according to Brother Michael. Of course, indubitably it was impromptu. And it was screwed up too. But I didn't care. I never even thought anyone was listening to us anyway. Of course, for formality's sake, they clapped for us, an indirect way of saying to us 'thank goodness it's over'.

Gabriel, Jessica, Weijie, Rachel, Timothy, and I stayed in the Grade 11 center after the choir thing. I continued doing my mathematics project, and I was happy that I got the will to
do it. The rest of them were just having fun, fooling around, and I just realized that eavesdropping is actually a very good form of entertainment. :)

Six in the evening has cuckooed and we decided to leave the school. Gabriel and I were waiting on the SJII bus stop for bus 132, while Rachel was on the opposite side of the road.
And guess what. They were asking for each other's numbers while they were like... what.. 20 metres apart?

It's so cool. Rachel is there right at the other bus stop, and the two of them seemed like weird people doing weird signs on the road. I wonder what the drivers on the road thought about them.

I went to CJC Hostel to meet up Nalaka, my junior Eunice, my senior Rheyza and my batchmate Kenneth. After that, Nalaka, Eunice and I went to SJI for the Drama Night. We were the earliest ones to arrive because I thought the show starts on 730 in the evening. It was to start at around 8. Eunice and Nalaka got very pissed off with me, but once they learned that I got their tickets tickets for free as well, they began to act like little angels beside me. Ha. We decided to grab a bite at a small restaurant in Tanglin CC, and I tell you, that you must never go there even if you're dying to eat. No need to elaborate.

We watched the SJI drama night, "Out of Order", and I was so happy to see my ex CCA mates who acted in the play, they all did really really well. The play was very good, although I didn't like the beginning part with all the nonsensical dance items. The main themes of the story were conventional, father-son conundrums, teenage angst, rebellion, misunderstandings, puppy love, betrayal, but it's these things that move most audiences' hearts. I loved the play. And I would like to commend Ms. Gerri and Mr. Johnson especially for the spectacular show. Thanks Mr. Johnson for the free tickets. I owe you a lot. :)

After the play, the host (Eunice) and the two parasites (Nalaka and I) went to Island Creamery and grabbed a tub of Nutella ice cream courtesy of Eunice. that's why I referred to her as the host. It was fun, discussing random stuff. We met Jared Koh and Delvin Goh around there. After gaining all those calories from the ice cream, we decided to burn them all by accompanying Eunice to NYGBS. The hostel that looks like a mansion inside but actually it's a hell inside (according to her) :D

Nalaka and I suddenly thought about exploring the Bukit Timah area bacause we knew that quite a number of our classmates live around there. But we dismissed the notion when I noticed that Nalaka was getting sleepy. Instead, we went to Orchard to buy Amanda an ez-link card, and after that another shitty bus ride back home.

It may not sound as fun and exciting when it's written down in words, but that day was a happy day for me. A really happy day for me.

amidst the poor internet connection...

2008-03-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

First day was great. Fantastic. Although I was not looking forward to the start of a new term, as usual, SJII people have once again successfully smacked right into my face the ultimate fact that school is fun fun fun, and to be NOT in school is like missing half of my life.

After lessons, Gabriel, Danusha, Joey, Wei Jin, Roth, Yinto, Nalaka, Wei Jie, Savy, and I went to Mrs. Hammond's class to watch the film version of All My Sons. The movie was tremendously boring, it seemed like a sleeping pill gradually diffusing into my eyes, causing my occasional lackadaisical head bangs to and fro and sideways, which were accompanied by semioccasional yawns and stretches.

But the best thing about going to the English class was getting back my Term one project results. I was elated and asphyxiated with Mrs. Hammond's wonderful comments about my work, and after reading her litany of praises and suggestions for improvement, I felt very pleased and very encouraged to do even better next time.

***************

I'm doing my Mathematics HL project now, which I was supposed to do during the holidays. But you see, no one would want to carry a poster all the way from the Philippines to Singapore. So I decided to give up some of my free time in this hot and humid Monday evening to finish my maths poster.

Okay, back to work now. Ciao.

avec mes amis.

2008-03-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I am starting this blog entry without any intentions of making it excruciatingly long and painfully boring.

I came back to Singapore with a rucksack, with a computer bag, with a paper bag, and with a notion that I am going to save my money and I am not going to go out of my sanctuary for unnecessary purposes. But when you are with your friends, those idealistic intentions never come to life. I withdrew $50 from my international bank account using UOB, so I was not able to check the remaining balance on the receipt, and the next morning it disappeared from my wallet forever, like a bubble that burst in midair. Then I withdrew another $100, this time POSB, and finally I got to see how much little money I have left, and I promised myself that I am to budget it for the whole month of April. Another idealistic intention awaiting its sell-out.

Today was one of the best days in Singapore, mainly because after a draggy holiday my
dear friends saved me from "stoning" myself to death because there was not much anything to do back home. Yinto, Joey, Danusha, Niko, Nalaka and I watched Shutter a la Hollywood version early in the morning, and guess what, we were the only ones inside the cinema. Six brave souls came inside the cinema bringing popcorn and coke, about to watch a horror movie inside a theatre as empty as my wallet. I was scared. But, not as scared as I was a few years back when I watched Shutter a la Thai version with the whole Imperial clan in my ancestral house.

After the movie, Celine joined the gang, and we went to Subway for a quick meal. Only Danusha, Nalaka and I bought those six inches of tasty meat and veggie.

On diet: Celine, Yinto, Nalaka's hair.

Nalaka and Danusha.

****************

We waited for the rain to subside outside Cineleisure. Apart from that, we endured smelling the smell emanating from nearby carcinogen transmitters, the smell that I hate the most in this world: cigarette smoke.

Yinto left us, and the rest of us went to East Coast Park to have more fun. Our eventful and wonderful journey started outside St. Patrick's School, where we alighted. We walked towards the Siglap connector and it was where our cam-whoring sessions began. I am proud to say that it was I who started the cam-whoring thing. :)

After walking, we went to McDonald's to wait for Savy and John, who were still in the condo doing who knows what. Finally, they arrived, and for a while we had an argument about where we should go next, and in the end we found ourselves at the beach.

Nalaka's pee.

Nalaka drinking his pee.

*********

And then the best part of the day: sun, sea, salt, and shit. Like what Nalaka said, shit water.
But amazing.
I love you guys.
I really do.

Niko showing his prowess in frisbee. Photo shoot courtesy of yours truly.

Yes, Joey. To strip or not to strip. In the end they did.

Beach posers.

John with a piece of glass. Ensuring the safety of his friends! :)

Savy reaching to greater heights.

I hate white shirts.

Smile! :)

Introducing the imported sand of Singapore.

Familiar photo? No, this isn't the Krabi jump. It's the ECP jump. :)

It was a blast.
I had fun fun fun!
I LOVE YOU GUYS.
THANKS.

:)

With you, with you, with you, with you, with yooooooouuu..

2008-03-27T09:29:00.000-07:00

Chris Brown's song "With You" has been embedded in my ears like the distinct Sony Walkman earphone for two weeks running and it has continued reverberating inside my head for two weeks running too. I just simply love the song I can't stand it, sometimes I feel like banging my head on the wall because it keeps on playing in my mind, and at one point I was so desperate I needed to play my ultimate favourite song, Umbrella (NO HARSH REACTIONS PLEASE, I KNOW YOU WANT TO KILL ME) over and over again just to forget With You.

Now because of my desired abnormality that is the fetish for being obssessed with a song, I decided to search youtube for other versions of With You

Like Umbrella with it's
---> original version
---> Cinderella remix
---> L'il Mama remix
---> Mandy Moore acoustic version, gosh
---> and mine and ex-roommate Truc's version

and luckily I found this very interesting video of the song. With You, à l'acoustique.

Forgotten.

2008-03-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

i wanted to blog about something I came across a few minutes ago before I started typing this very sentence. But it seems that I won't be able to extract that 'something' from my mind and figure out the sudden loss of memory.

************

R:You left me already, far far away.
D:Hahahaha! I think I have too. I mean, sometimes it comes but it goes away equally fast. That's why I can help you out of the well. Because right now I'm out of the well.
R: I need a rope.
D: Hahaha. I'm out so I can help pull you out. If I were still drowning, I wouldn't offer help.
R: Hahaha. So I have been drowning all this time? No wonder I can't breathe properly.
D: Yeah. That's why I'm throwing a bucket down for you to catch.
R: I can't find any.
D: No, you can see it. You're just considering taking it.
R: I guess I won't take it for now. I can still swim.
D: Hopefully you'll take it when you need it.

*************

The wind is tossing the lilacs,
The new leaves laugh in the sun,
And the petals fall on the orchard wall,
But for me the spring is done.

Beneath the apple blossoms
I go a wintry way, For love that smiled in April
Is false to me in May.

I'm falling in love with this song.

2008-03-23T04:41:00.000-07:00

Take time to realize
That your warmth is
Crashing down on in
Take time to realize
That I am on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized
We'd never have to wonder
If we missed out on each other, now

Take time to realize
Oh oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize
This could all pass you by
Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize
What I just realized
That we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realize
What I just realized

Notepad.

2008-03-22T23:16:00.000-07:00

I may not have encountered someone who's bitchtalked about me over the web, thank goodness, but I personally don't think Facebook is the best place to bitch about someone. It's supposed to be the most wholesome social networking site for people to forge superficial friendships with strangers across the internet, and the best site for communicating and keeping in touch with your old pals, exes, and loved ones. And Facebook is indeed the best of its kind because it gives you the best privacy options and it does not let anyone customize his or her profile page to the point that it becomes so vile and disgusting with all those obnoxious glitter words moving up, down and sideways, emo profile backgrounds, and congregations of photos scattered from the headers to the footers.

I personally think that any grudge towards someone should not be blatantly published online because number one, it's bad for the image of the sitting duck, and number two, it's bad for the image of the perceived duck hunter. We never know who reads our posts. There's a lot of people out there secretly following our profound online activities in our blogs and social networking accounts. I am scared of this as well, though I have no options but to use my blog because I detest writing by hand.

And I personally think that if anyone would like to make a point to slander and defame someone because he or she was hurt or attacked or because he or she finds it inexplicably amusing or arousing, do it inside the mind, down there within the deepest and smallest nerve cells we never knew that existed. And pray to God for forgiveness for the residing hatred inside the heart. But if typing on the keyboards is really inevitable, do it offline. The notepad would be the best option. Just save it in your computer or in a flash disk for a personal keepsake.

2008-03-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I would finally forget about you.

I was down to the last few minutes of my dream, and suddenly you appear again.

choir kills.

2008-03-18T21:33:00.000-07:00

So far, I've been doing my holiday tasks bit by bit, 30minutes a day, and it seems that I'm doing quite well.
Now, the only thing I'm really worried about is this:

I have to learn these beautiful, old-fashioned songs for the upcoming SJI International choir "concert", and frankly, to tell you the truth, i don't know any shit about them. I can't read notes, which is really disadvantageous, embarrassing and uncomplimentary, and although I can follow the melodies easily, I can't possibly follow THE BASS without hearing it. Yes, I'm on bass. But seriously I think I can do the operatic soprano voice better. Female and Male. Hahaha. There's a rustic Yamaha piano here at home, shipped all the way from Los Angeles, CA to Manila and then to General Santos, which has been collecting dust for almost a year because no one here has gotten interest to play it. It may sound as if we have wasted money and effort bringing that mammoth piano, but it doesn't. It's free, that's why.
Now, I have to rely on my dysfunctional brain to try to remember all those pitches for all those lyrics of all those songs.

***********

And, as you may have noticed, I have a new blog skin!! I HEART YOU JOOOOOEY.
Thanks for the wonderful skin :)

Tree.

2008-03-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

A tree, when planted on the ground, remains firmly rooted to the soil, unwilling to let go from its abode. From its humble beginnings as a little seed, it dealt with the acerbity of life, fought, and proudly grew and proved its preeminence overland. No matter how strong the winds, no matter how harsh the searing rays of sunlight, no matter how cold and bitter the darkness of the night, it has stood through all of them. All of them. A tree, after all, like anyone or anything else that has life, struggles to keep on holding onto it.

There are some things, that we, humans, have difficulty to holding on to. There are also some things that we cannot afford to hold on to. We become trees of our own, beings reluctant to let go of our personal feelings, solicitudes, and sentimentalities. Of our personal grudges. Of our personal pasts. Of our happy memories. And undying memories. We are afraid to let go, because, like the living tree, it is tormented when it is pulled out from the soil.

And we cultivate our own trees as well, within our hearts. Things that do not want to let go from us. No matter how much we want to forget about them, we simply could not do anything about it. They have been deeply rooted within the confines of our thoughts, actions, and emotions, that once we consciously - no, impetuously - uproot them, it becomes too painful for us. And that rips our lives into pieces, into nothingness.

ENFP.

2008-03-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

I recently took this personality test, and look at its assessment.

And look what this "tester" told me:

Rowland: Musical, Naturalist, ENFP, Advocate, Visionary.

Hmm.. I am still... quite unsure about this.

It says that ENFPs are introspective, values-oriented, inspiring, social and extremely expressive. They actively send their thoughts and ideas out into the world as a way to bring attention to what they feel to be important, which often has to do with ethics and current events. ENFPs are natural advocates, attracting people to themselves and their cause with excellent people skills, warmth, energy and positivity. ENFPs are described as creative, resourceful, assertive, spontaneous, life-loving, charismatic, passionate and experimental.

Oh, ENFP means Extroverted, iNtuition, Feeling, Perception.

Open 24 hours.

2008-03-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Savy and the illuminated open-24-hours sign.

I miss the late night McD sessions in ECP.
Yes, Savy, you look gorgeous in that pose.

Pacquiao, the saviour.

2008-03-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Palace favors 1-day 'political truce' for Pacquiao fight

Malacañang said it favors the observance of a "one-day political ceasefire" with administration critics as the country watches Filipino ring icon Manny Pacquiao slug it out in a rematch with Mexican champ Juan Manuel Marquez Saturday in Las Vegas, Nevada.

-from http://beta.abs-cbn.com

WHAT THE HELL.

Seems to me the Pinoys have found a new religion with a new god.

So are we trying to imply here that a boxing match is the only way to achieve a 'political truce'?

What nonsense is this?

Oh, I remember too, one of Manny Pacquiao's fights: almost ZERO crime rate in the whole of Metro Manila. Talk about saving the whole of humanity by punching some other guy to death and to shame somewhere far away from his grassroots.

Might as well ask Manny Pacquiao to fight in the boxing ring every single day to save our country from all of her problems.

This is getting absurd.

*******

Oh, and Manny's got a new co-inspirator for those who feel that bad grammar is not a factor in winning something:

Quite true.

2008-03-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

Tama na ‘migo. Proud gyud ko ng bisdak ko - PROBINSIYANO GENERAL! Ang maayo pa gyud sa atu, walay pollution. Mao nga hapsay pa ang atong panghuna-huna. Dili pa lobog ug lasaw ang atong utok.

I saw this in a forum page - and I found it intriguing.

Quite true actually, if you would ask me.

Metro Manila's pollution has seemed to drive the people nuts.
Guess they should transfer the Senate, The House Of Representatives and Malacañang somewhere far from pollution, like Batanes or Palawan or Siargao, so their minds can be at least cleared of dust, smog and dirt.
Pollution contributes to discreditable and shameful political problems.

Actually this forum entry was talking about the Manileños preference for GMA-7 over ABS-CBN.

Well, quite true, if you would ask me, but I just thought it suited politics more than TV ratings.

*****************

Here are some more interesting and funny comments I saw in the forum page:

natawa nman ako sa announcement ni ogie alcasid sa audition ng Pinoy Idol..

sabi pupunta daw sila sa “lalawigan” ng Dagupan… hellloww

at kelan pa naging lalawigan ang Dagupan??!!

it’s a CITY, NOT A PROVINCE

*****************

ang baho mo maryan feeling sikat OA nmn acting mo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hindi ka mananalo ng award

*****************

GMA7 STOP MANIPULATION
GMA STOP CORRUPTION

New sins.

2008-03-13T01:17:00.000-07:00

No one told me the Vatican has just revamped its list of deadly sins to include

genetic modification

pollution

obscene wealth

human experimentation

and taking drugs.

Revisitation, Reminiscences, Repartee, Return.

2008-03-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

Revisitation

I went back to my Alma Mater, SPED, this morning to attend my youngest brother's Smart Day. Of course, I met some of my old teachers
(in chronological order)
Teacher Em
Teacher Joy
Teacher Fides
Sir Badong
Ma'am Rizza
Ma'am Emerenciana
Teacher Anitalinda
Teacher Elena
and Teacher Marivi.

It was so good to see them again.

Reminiscences

He reminded me so much when I was young. That little kid.
He was the first one to enter during the processional march.
That distinct, arrogant manner of walking.
I saw him sitting there, that little kid, second column, on the front row, to the extreme left.
He was always looking down, unmindful of everything that has been happening around, until he finally got on to his foot as soon as the teacher called him on stage.
"Good morning," he shouts.
And then he continues on with his fluent emceeing.
He smiled as if smiling was a luxury good that only very few people can afford to have.
And his hair, yes, that shiny jet black hair. The one that looks like a mop top, only with the sideburns shaved quite high.
He gave a song number during a short intermission.
And, indubitably, that high pitch. That very high pitch.
The teacher called him first to receive his certificate and report card.
At the end of the ceremony, went to his mom sitting at the far end, and was congratulated by all of the neighbouring mums and dads.

Now, I don't even get to on stage more than once or twice.

Repartee

Where do you want to go now?
Home.
You want to go to Jollibee for lunch?
No.
So where do you want to go?
Home.

Return

I hate it when tricycle drivers have no change for the bills you pay them, because the burden of scavenging for coins to pay them lies totally on you. You may have to search the whole 100-meter radius of rock, cement, road, and dirty canals just to find someone else whom you can exchange your bills with coins.

And I really hate it when you have to wait outside the gate for someone to open it for you because it's locked. As if the people inside the house are afraid of someone ambuscading them when they all know that it's like in the middle of the day and everyone is awake and it's so hot outside no one would even dare wait on someone else's gate for hours under the searing sun just to prepare for that perfect ambush moment. I'm not a murderer okay. Why does everyone have to hide all the way at the back of the house.

And it's really annoying when you find him sleeping like a pig on the couch, with the TV remote tightly gripped on his right hand, the television broadcasting a show to an audience of thin air, when the rest of the dads in the universe are out there watching their children receive their certificates on their very special day of recognition for their efforts in school.

*************

2008-03-11T02:27:00.000-07:00

how many times do i have to tell you?

Lazy pig.

2008-03-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

I feel like a lazy pig.

Today, I woke up at ten in the morning to the sound of the two maids screaming at each other outside the kitchen area. The intense sound waves painfully penetrated my ears, rung up my eardrums, shook my brain, knocked over the contours of my skull, juggled my eyes resting on their respective sockets, and sent numerous tingling sensations all over my body, all these crazy impulses telling me to wake up and eat my breakfast meal.

I woke up, washed up, ate my breakfast, scratched my butt, stretched some sleeping ligaments and tendons, turned on the computer for a few minutes, stoned in front of the screen, and finally made my way back to my bed.

The next thing I knew, it was already five in the afternoon. Tangerine rays of sunlight seeped between open windows, the curtains swaying with the gentle blows of the wind. Shit. Left the windows open. So a horde of mosquitoes took turns biting my skin, sucking blood. I didn't mind, they would die anyway, my blood's so poor in nutrients, to me they seemed like they were drinking poison.

I really feel like a lazy pig. But at this point of my life, sleep needs to be in overdose amounts. 'Tis the perfect time to regain all sleeping times that have been lost for the last two-month litany of homeworks and projects.

****************

I was completely naked and the cold water was gushing out of the shower head, each drop giving me a cooling sensation. The soap on my skin gave a nice, fruity smell. Then I dreamt of you, but I couldn't see your face. You opened the door. You were naked too. I couldn't seem to recognize you, you with the slinted eyes and long, jet black hair, rubbing my back inside the shower room. I didn't know what I was feeling. All I knew was just you were there behind me, helping me wash my back, and then beside me, eventually taking a bath as well, and until the end of my dream, we were still bathing, bathing, bathing.

Dilemma.

2008-03-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

"Why should you let your heart beat
for someone who wouldnt reciprocate?

That's why i dont want to like anyone.
No one would feel the same way for me anyway.
It's pointless."

I saw this on my friend's blog, and I suddenly the same predicament came to my mind. I always thought that love, whether it's one-sided, two-sided, three-sided or polygamous or self-indulgent, is still love at its best.

It was only yesternight when I kept on blabbering to my friends that I am truly happy for my feelings towards someone, and that it does not matter to me whether or not she likes/loves me back, because this one-sided love I'm feeling has been more than enough to make me feel happy.

Now, I'm thinking twice.

Filipino food.

2008-03-09T00:32:00.000-08:00

It's been more than two-months of 'horrendous' Malay, Indian, and Chinese catered foods in De Casalle, and in school. Every time I masticate a few chicken wings drowned in curry sauce, or suck chinese noodles + atmospheric air = uncomfortable tummy, or smell the agonizing stench of chilli paste made by the Indonesian maid inside the condo, or vitiate my appetite with chicken rice immersed in ultra-hot-and-spicy chilli sauce, my stomach just turns upside down. Twirls and curls and deflates, a gastronomic disaster, in extreme wretchedness.

Of course everything aforementioned is ninety percent exaggeration, but really, the catered food has been very unappetizing. They are edible, and in a way they provide energy and nutrition enough to suffice for a hard day's work in school. However, as a foreigner, my taste buds were designed in such a way that they are unable to withstand Malay, Chinese, and Indian food astringencies.

*******

Mechado, pork adobo, brown rice, fried lumpia, fruit salad, pop cola, fish ball ala Pinoy style, valenciana, and coca-cola in a 1.50-litre glass bottle.

Now I'm eating real food. Filipino food.

Today was my second cousin's baptism, and of course, as usual, after the baptism rites in church, family members stretching as far as the third and fourth extensions of the family tree gather together to celebrate and welcome another child to God's family. And as usual, everything culminates with a food feast. Best part of the whole tradition is the food. I have always been proud of my stomach's amazing ability to stretch itself like a rubber band and accommodate tons and tons of food without getting fat. And so today I grabbed the chance to eat as much as I can.

Nothing's more satiating than a home-cooked, home-style, Filipino buffet.

Hope to get a few bloated cheeks this holiday. Facial cheeks. Not the other cheeks you're thinking about.

Stars.

2008-03-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

I gazed at the stars tonight, and I began to wonder if you were also looking up the sky at that moment.

I miss you so badly.

Take care, wherever you are.

2008-03-07T21:54:00.000-08:00

It's so good to be back home.

2008-03-07T03:44:00.001-08:00

Rowland is going back home in a few hours.

I'll miss SJII!

I'll miss you everyone!

Love you all!!!

2008-03-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

Black Comedy and Light Tragedies.

What an intelligent play.
It was worth the money and the time.

Mr. Bennett was terrific! :)

Many many many thanks to those who subsidized me! I love you all!

Well, I hope DBS Arts Centre makes an effort to distinguish itself from DBS TOWER.
We almost got late.

Decisions.

2008-03-05T00:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, decisions turn out to be wrong at the end, when you decide not to bother knowing about the kind of business that you are going to enter.

We clown around, play hokey-pokey with emotions, like some Holloween shenanigan activity in the middle of the night, a trick-or-treat house-to-house bazaar where we simply come and go, collect our candies, and leave ourselves with tooth decay for the rest of our lives. Yes, as simple and as fast, and the ill-effects as permanent as that. Or maybe one would think that it's merely a sudden burst of hormones inside the body, leaving us frantically crazy and retarded for a while.

However we may feel different, and the feeling lingers for a while, sometimes even for a long time, a very very long time. We hoped yesterday, we hope today, and we are expected to hope tomorrow... and on the next day.. and on the next one... and on the day after that. And after that, like any other normal human being, we begin to get sick of it, and eventually, without even realizing, we've already forgotten about it and have moved on with our lives. As if nothing stupendous has happened in the past which made us awfully stupid.

We may have sensed that it's wrong at certain turning points of our lives. And sometimes, we just can't get away with it and keep on going back to it no matter how much painful or weird or terrible it is. We are stuck in a labyrinth, walking in circles, not literally, and we keep on going back to the same starting point. We can't seem to have any vantage point at all, because we can't see through walls. We can only look at the sky above, and we can only shout in despair, and swear, and even utter prayers, and they would be merely carried along by the wind to some other place we never know. We get infuriated and irritated by them, which, if only we could break through, would lead us directly to another place where we want us to be.

We may have forgotten about it, but sometimes it just comes back to you by itself, like a ghost for the weak in faith, or it can also be described as a boomerang, for those who are afraid of ghost stories. It 's crazy. It seems like it doesn't want to go away from you forever. Like, it wants to make a mark on your life: that you, you stupid human being, was disillusioned by some besotted adolescent emotion and incarcerated deep within the abyss of unnecessary self-pity and low self-esteem at this point in life.

I hate it when I start to feel like this. I lose all my concentration in school.

*************

I like so many colours so I can't really choose which one to use.
stupid ME.

I'm going to miss you.

2008-03-04T05:29:00.000-08:00

To know the fact that I'll be unable to see you for twenty days.
It's kinda weird. But it wrenches my heart.
It's the first time that I've felt sad, going back home.
I'm leaving on Friday night.
How I wish I can hug you tight before I leave.
To pat you at the back, or to hug you.
To smile at you, and to let me wave my "super wave" at you.
To see your eyes for the last time before I board the plane.
To hear you say, "See you in school!", an assurance that I'll still see you again.

So much love.

2008-03-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

After the housewarming at Danusha's house, Savy, Nalaka, Chris and I went to East Coast Park for no apparent reason at all.
It was the most unanticipated and the most impromptu decision Nalaka has made in his life when he decided to utter "Hey let's go to East Coast Park" as soon as the four of us got out of the taxi outside De Casalle. As usual, the Indian Savy agreed with his beloved Sri Lankan friend, and Chris and I were like, what the hell. In the end, due to our indecisiveness, Chris and I allowed ourselves to be manipulated by the two South Asians to go for a stroll in the park, as if we were like some deserted children left to scavenge the streets for food and shelter. We actually looked like we were. We were walking happily beside the excessively wide canal which separated us from the supposedly haunted St. Patrick's school grounds, thank goodness for that canal, and in a few minutes we were able to reach the park.

So far tonight (today, actually, it 0300 now and I'm still blogging) was one of the best nights of 2008 for me. I had so much fun talking and laughing with my friends that I even forgot that I was still mending my brain from all the scratches, bruises and blisters I have caused to it in the course of my two-month homework litany. Of course the litany continues to live on, it's a perennial thing you know. Like a stubborn weed that ceases to stop from procreating amongst the wonderful cornucopia of flowers. It's such a pain to be incarcerated by schoolwork.

Anyway, back to the topic.

We stayed in McDonald's (the one near Kenny Rogers) for most of the night, blatantly guffawing like Danusha, screaming like Amanda, squeaking like Joey, squealing like Niko, screeching like Nalaka himself, and sometimes even giggling like Amanda (again). We talked about a million kinds of stuff, from school, to love, to money, to Champ, to Nalaka, to Chris, to Savy, and to me moving to chess club because newspaper has become an unproductive experience for me. Yes, I've decided to quit the newspaper club. I'll have to tell Mr. Wong on Monday. It hurts to move out, but who wants three points when you can have a ten for the same period of time, and for less amount of stress and more amount of fun.

We went back home at around 2am.

*************

Housewarming and ECP photos

p.s. I just want apologize to Calvin and Iqbal for not being able to make it.

***********

I love my friends. Every inch and corner of the world where my friends are, I just want to tell you how all of you mean so much to me. :)

To my family, I love you so much, from the bottom of my heart. I can't wait to see you guys.

To you, I love you, but it is not something that you should care about or something that I should be bothered about. I love you because you make me smile and you make me happy. It's a perfect one-sided love in that sense. It just makes my days and nights complete when I see your eyes smiling in my real world and in my dreams. I love you.

And to you, I love you too. Being able to meet you in my life has been a wonderful experience. I hope we can be friends forever.

And to you, I love you so much. You have been with me for most of last year, and you have helped me face the challenges in my life with determination. I hope I have done the same for you. I know you can truly do well for this year's great challenge.

And to you, I love you. You have been a great friend, a great brother. Money is not everything, we all know that. We suffer the same problems, we share the same sentiments, we even look alike. I hope you'll be able to cope with the new environment and all. And please pay your debt, ha ha.

And to the rest, I'll never forget you guys. It's only been two months and I've already felt so much love in this world.

And to God, I love you so much. Thank You for all the blessings, the opportunities, the material goods, the spiritual nourishment, and the emotional help that You have never failed to provide. If I can ask for anything more, I would like everyone whom I love to be happy and devoted to You forever.

Memories.

2008-02-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a very long post.
It's mostly pictures.

It's the first day of March, and it just occurred to me how slow time passed by for the past two months. Which was a good thing, because I got to feel that I have spent a long, happy life in my new school and my new home.

To recap the first term, I might say that I did pretty well academically. Mr. Scheelbeek gave me a pat on the back and told me, "I heard you got a pretty good start, Rowland." It's a great feeling to be commended by someone else. I promise I'll do even better for the next term. Promises are made to be broken, though. But I'll try not to adhere to the stereotypical concept of a "promise."

Anyway, I was browsing through my collection of photos in my laptop, and I felt like I was traversing back in the past, back to the happy, fun, lovely, bad, melancholic, sad, etcetera, moments of January and February.

Candice and I on board Philippine Airlines. Business class!! We were supposed to be in the economy class, but PAL made some mistake by taking in a lot of passengers for the economy class, so we ended up being moved to the business class. Yeah, I know it's fantastic, having all the business class services and amenities for the price of an economy class ticket.
On the way to Singapore. End of the 2007 year-end vacation. Sighs.

My grandmother helping me pack my stuff the night before I left for Singapore.
I miss her so much.

December 31, 2007: Danson, Kenneth, Jix, and I (taking the photo), at The Esplanade waiting for the New Year Fireworks Display.
Piece of advice:
If you do go to Esplanade for the New Year celebrations, then don't leave Esplanade until everyone has disappeared from your sight.
DO NOT join the crowd walking out of the place.
DO NOT even attempt to squeeze in a bunch of smelly and sweaty people.
IN short, Do NOT celebrate the New Year in Esplanade.

My new home. Annabelle fetched me at the airport with a Jaguar. I was like. Whoa. Jaguar??

From left: Rowland, Chris, Niko. Our very first week together in De Casalle.

Chris, Savy, Rowland, Nalaka, John, and our dear Asih. Hostel people are so fun to be with. I love you guys from the bottom of my heart.

Some of us went to East Coast Park for a bike ride and we encountered this pretty sandcastle along the beach.

Grade 11 Social Night. Look at Yinto before. You'll never believe it's yINTO!
He was so yINTO chicken at that time. And I was yINTO everything!
Social Night was a blast!

SJI International. I'm beginning to fall in love with the slope.

I can't seem to remember who I went out with when I took this photo at Clarke Quay. :(

The best school in the universe has one of the worst uniforms. :P
I should have bought size 31 pants.

De Casalle Barbecue Party: Amanda, Nalaka, Niko and I.

Heroes.

Arf-arf. Cool name. My very first stuffed doggie courtesy of Rheyza. :)
Supposed to be her post O Level gift. delayed by a month and a few days. Nevertheless, I love the gift! Oh, Yza, the antivirus software is not compatible with Vista. :(

Rheyza and I having lunch at Delifrance Bistro in Takashimaya. I hade a fun time! Although both wallets were emptied as soon as both stomachs got filled with delicious food.
It's so difficult to be poor, you know. It's so difficult. It just feels like you can't move, can't breathe, can't do anything when you don't have money.

Chris, Rowland, Luigi, Amanda, and John. Chinese New Year frenzy at Chinatown. I remember Amanda buying a jade ring for $20. And this was the night when Eskor first discovered his love for Chicken Rice.

Sleeping beast. I think Savy has one of the most terrible body clocks I have ever encountered in my life. :)

My laptop. My favourite mouse. My favourite mint (thanks to Sid). My empty wallet. And other nuisances in the photo.

Photo shoot using Celine's MacBook.
From left: Jose, Luigi, Rowland, Celine.
Background ghost: Nalaka.

Pepper Lunch at Ang Mo Kio. The day when Nalaka, Joey, and I started to get really close.

And I began to fall in love again.
Shall not elaborate further.

2008 Pinoy Games. So far, the best Pinoy Games according to Kuya Gian. Was so proud of my batch!! We did it well. And thanks to Kenneth for doing most of the brainwork and physical work. The Pinoy games wouldn't be the best ever if not for you. :) I love you batch 7.
No matter how much we did "badly" in our O levels compared to all our seniors, I can still say that we're the most fun and most lovable batch!! :D
We know we did our best. We may not be the smartest Pinoy batch, but we are still by far the most united.
And for the first time in history, the first ever complete Pinoy batch in Singapore after O Levels. We're ALL in JC and IB now, no one went back home, and that's something we can be proud of because we're all still together suffering in this little island.
I love you guys.
*zippy not included in the second photo because she left earlier*

Joey's house-to-house inspection in De Casalle. :)

After the X-ray checkup. KFC at Bedok. Evil hostel people indeed.

After every Kwong Wai Shiu service: Cam-whoring at the bus stop, 30-minute wait for the bus, a nice siesta inside the bus, and a painstaking 1-hour + + bus ride to go back home.

Celine's and Luigi's birthday parties. I preferred Luigi's cake though... Strawberries. Feels like heaven after every mastication.

Jalaka Juddhika Jarnakula.
Wei Jie and I soon started calling people with Js in front. Like... Jowland, or Jeugene, or Jicolette, or Jamanda. Good for people who originally have Js in front like Jessica, John, and Juns.

Free taxi rides hosted by Celine. Fun conversations inside the cab. Though I hate it when taxi drivers begin to insert themselves in the convo.

The Grade 11s. I love all of you!
but of course I love ASc the most!! I think my tutor group is the best among the five classes. :)

***********************

To look backward for a while is to refresh the eye, to restore it, and to render it the more fit for its prime function of looking forward. ~Margaret Fairless Barber, The Roadmender

[ISILY OST] Mika Nakashima - Yuki no Hana

2008-02-29T08:55:00.001-08:00

[ISILY OST] Mika Nakashima - Yuki no Hana

Term 1.

2008-02-29T00:53:00.000-08:00

seven, six, six, six, four, six, six.

A good start.

Hope I'll do better next time.

2008-02-28T08:30:00.000-08:00

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. ~J.K. Rowling

Adrenaline rush.

2008-02-28T05:33:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I just ran like an ostrich.

2008-02-27T04:49:00.000-08:00

All choices become wrong in the end because, as time passes, all the things you lose become the best.

Twenty-day holiday.

2008-02-26T01:43:00.000-08:00

I was so angry early this morning. She scolded me. She was so tall, and her high heels made it worse as she gained a few extra inches of that precious commodity we call height. I could barely see her face emblazoned with disgruntlement. Argh. But she had a point though. I knew I was wrong. I knew she was right. My subconscious wants to thank her for reminding me how lazy I've become for the past few days.

My laziness somehow overwhelmed me last night, which eventually led me to watching another episode of "I'm Sorry, I Love You" (Thanks a lot, Carmen. ^^)

Watching it just made me realize how much I have been getting so childish these days. Amanda was happily scolding me on the bus today, saying that I've become so childish. But I can't help it. On one moment, I get emotional, then on another I get so hyperactive, to the point that it's not fun to watch me making a fool of myself anymore. Guess it isn't childish. Guess it's just sheer weirdness.

*****

I can't believe it. Twelve days more and I'm going back to the Philippines. This is absurd. Half of me wants to go back, and of course the other half wants to stay. I can't just possibly split myself into two. That would entirely wipe my existence out of this world.

After two years, I have learned to completely annihilate this irritating and annoying habit of mine - homesickness. I do miss my parents and my siblings, I miss them a lot, but this time I have learned to resist myself from those crybaby nights of mine way back in my secondary school days. Truly, the combined efforts of the immense workload in school and warm and wonderful company of friends has enormously contributed to my "moving on".

And thank you for making my heart sing each and every day. You know who you are.

I actually drafted some of the things that I'm going to do during the course of my 20-day holiday in March.

1.) Eat, eat, eat, and eat.
2.) Eat more.
3.) Never stop eating.

4.) Sleep early (11pm)
5.) Sleep more (wake up at 12 noon)

6.) Watch cable TV

7.) minimize internet usage (Rowland appears to be offline).

8.) go to my great granny's house to pick some star apples for Sarah.

9.) go to my great granny's house to breathe some fresh farm air. ahhhh... although we sometimes can't avoid getting a whiff of carabao shit. Never mind. It's organic in its entirety. It's safer than inhaling smoke from belching cars.

10.) do homework. Duh.
11.) do more homework. Duh.

12.) playstation 2!!

13.) go to church.

14.) meet old friends.

15.) shopping (if possible)

16.) travel far, far away from my city.

17.) learn a bit of driving.

18.) do tutorial for my lazy siblings.

19.) takuyaki festival at KCC.

20.) Get buff. hahaha

Close proximity.

2008-02-25T03:49:00.000-08:00

It means so much to me.
To gaze at your eyes, even for a short while.
To feel you're there even though we're parted by the bitter reality of life; that I am here, and you are there, and I can't be where you are.

It seems too early to feel this way.
But
My heart pounds, my mind blurs, my palms sweat, my knees shiver, my blood flow stops just to treasure my every moment that you are around.

I can't believe you made me feel this way.
You practically did nothing anyway.

******

We have but a moment to fall in love, one moment that is ours, then it is gone. Taken on a breeze delicate and fragile, never to return. If it happens, it happens then, in that one moment, in that breathtaking second as eyes meet, speaking volumes. No words needed. And we know? we only have one chance, one moment to say I Love You. Take that moment. Embrace it. Make it yours.

As if it's so easy.

Summary.

2008-02-23T23:32:00.000-08:00

I can now officially call this day as a BORING day.

*party poppers popping peacefully*

Yes, it bores me deep inside. Today is like a cork borer trying to screw itself deep down inside my defunct life. What an irony. Defunct life. Sounds like a breathing corpse blogger. Well, in actuality, the word blogger itself wholly identifies the prospect of a breathing corpse. Talk about people who have nothing else to do but blabber in cyberspace. There's so much more out there in the real world, people.

Anyway, I would like to summarize what I did today because it's so easy to do so. When you practically had done nothing in a day a 150-word O Level English summary format would provide more than enough space for you to write phrases such as Once Upon A Time or And They Lived Happily Ever After. However, I have learned to move on with my life (thank goodness), and so I am never going to do another similar summary shit ever again.

I would like to give a beautiful recount in the form of photos and captions.

The first thing I saw when I woke up: the bottom of the upper deck of the double-decker bed.

Off I went to shower. Almost had third-degree burns as I accidentally turned the heater to maximum.

Changed to my outside clothes (photo cannot be shown, nudity is prohibited)
and picked my shoe (Adidas, upper left) from the skyscraper shoe rack.

Nalaka, John and I went to Church. We managed to go out by successfully unlocking the gate shown in the photo.

Went back after church, and gazed in front of the window for a few minutes, contemplating on whether I should go for a dip into the pool.
John went for a dip.
I didn't.

Usual stuff. Wasting time. Laptop sessions.

Lazy dude I am. Unfolded bedsheets. Scattered books.
But a concerned environmentalist. Used electric fan instead of air-conditioner.

A late lunch. Sunday Times paper and SJII PE shorts not included in the meal.

****************

Number of words: 22,465.69 (pictures are worth more than a thousand words).

Rejection.

2008-02-23T07:23:00.001-08:00

Today was a day of rejection for Nalaka and I.

We were ultimately jobless today that we spent most of our forsaken afternoon walking along Orchard Road while talking about usual stuff about life - school, money, homework, love, and school, money, homework, and love. We were so depressed that we actually enjoyed our time walking and talking and going in to Paragon pretending that we were out shopping for a new pair of Calvin Klein undies and a pair of white Triumph brassieres for Amanda.

This very memorable day began when I woke up at ten in the morning, to the reverberating sound of some Afghan music playing in Niko's laptop; he was watching The Kite Runner. Although I loved and cried over the book twice, I was totally uninterested to watch the movie. Off I went to turn on my laptop instead, in the hopes of her being online. She was not. Good morning, Rowland.

We then went to 11A to take money from Auntie Jo so that I can buy my plane ticket. I'm going back in March, by the way. She gave me a plain $1000-bill, a large piece of paper which if I had lost, would have cost my entire life. Yes, my entire life. Well, I managed to buy my ticket today, and to my extreme delight (duh), I'm traveling by the Singapore-Cebu-Davao route. Yeah. At least I'm going back.

We went to Sixth Avenue, around the Bukit Timah Area, to grab a lunch at some Chinese stall there. To my utter dismay, the stall was not ready to serve any food until four in the afternoon, so I had to bid bon apres-midi to that effing stall and effing walk away with an effing empty stomach with Nalaka. We effing decided to eat at Orchard instead. KFC is truly an effing heavy and fattening meal.

And we got rejected six times today.

In chronological order: Joey, Juns, Jixseylo, Ryan, Tanya, Danusha.

But it was a very fun day, I must say. I got to reflect about a lot of things in life with my good HOT buddy.

:D

*****************

If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

Money.

2008-02-23T04:04:00.000-08:00

FUCK you who made it..

Homework factory.

2008-02-22T03:17:00.000-08:00

I am a homework factory.

"Okay, I want all of you to hand in this work by Wednesday," the teacher said.
Like any other factory, I have deadly deadlines to catch.

"I want you to to make fourteen graphs showing the shift of a demand curve."
Like any other factory, I have a lot of demands from my customers.

"I want you to specify the uncertainties for all the values you have obtained."
Like any other factory, I have a lot of uncertain, customized orders to suit the needs of my customers.

"I want you to do it again."
And like any other imperfect factory, I sometimes encounter faulty products and dissatisfied customers.

But unlike any other factory, I don't make profits out of making homework.

For the past two months I can barely estimate the number of sleepless days and nights that I have spent doing homework. The workload in the IB is overwhelming - in the sense that it does not give me a sufficient amount of time to relax and unwind in a faraway, secluded beach during the weekends, or go clubbing late saturday night in Zouk (ha ha kidding, I don't go clubbing, I'm still 17) - although surprisingly, most of my homeworks are manageable and doable, and fairly easy.

Okay, it's quite ironical to say that "I can barely estimate the number of sleepless days and nights that I have spent doing homework", and at the same time announce that "most of my homeworks are manageable and doable, and fairly easy." Well, I have recently noticed (take note, recently) that Windows Live Messenger has become an ominous and omnipotent piece of distraction in my academic life. It is the best thing my laptop has in store for me, but it's the worst denouement in my every day life; I begin my night pondering about my homework, but as the moon makes its way across the evening sky, I inevitably find myself immersed under a stream of endless online conversations in msn. Then I go sleepy:

RowLand says:
Hey, im sleepy... :(

Rowland says:
I gtg sleep

Danusha says:
Okie rowly

JOOOEEEY! says:
good night!!

juns says:
nightt

Sleeping Forever says:
:]

Buddhika Warnakula says:
Okies

weijie! says:
good night

mary says:
goodnight rowland!

ChRiStOpHeR says:

Tanya says:
Banana!!

RowLand says:
good night!! :D

And poof, there goes my homework, collecting dust beside the dustbin (not in the dustbin). There's just too many friends online every single day, and it seems like they're magnets attracting me to chat with them until all our eyes and back and fingers get exhausted.

But I still love my friends. I love you all!!! :D

*******

And don't get me wrong: It's unbelievably fun to do homework. I don't know why, yeah it's weird. But it's fun.

Disillusioned.

2008-02-21T06:41:00.000-08:00

I've got an unprecedented mood swing tonight.
I'm totally pissed off.
How could I fail to see that I'm actually making a fool out of myself.

****

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces. ~Sigmund Freud

Post-statistics homework.

2008-02-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

I sit here on a couch, on a deserted hot and humid night, listening to my favourite Michael Buble songs. I decide to turn off the lights, just to create a mellow and tranquil ambiance. It's such a wonderful feeling to be alone for some times, when you just feel that the world has so much heavy luggage to carry along (I'm talking about the statistics homework, haha).

I have never been this happy since I came to Singapore two years ago. Now I have found what I have been looking for - a co-ed school (finally, after two years), a highly challenging yet at the same time fun education system (of course that would be the IB, duh), and a warm and comfortable place that I can now comfortably call my home (86A Lor N Telok Kurau Road). Although I am away (again) from my parents and siblings, I never fail to remember them each and every day of my life; their absence has made my heart grow fonder, and here I am trying to alleviate myself from another possible homesickness pandemic by eating lots and lots of food. You don't know how much eating makes me happy (but I never get fat!).

Then, I have moved on from a bitter past experience of love.
Now, I can say that life has never been better, with a company of food and friends around, rather than with just the TV one intimate acquaintance. Life is much more fulfilling and fun with friends, talking and laughing and making a fool out of almost anything. It's something indefeasible. Having a girlfriend doesn't seem to be just the right thing yet. Single-blessedness is currently the best civil status to have in school.

And it's really good to know that there's a 24-hour wi-fi here.
Or else, I wouldn't be able to do all my research and finish all my projects on time.

And life becomes so fulfilling when there is someone to like and to love.

********

God is good, all the time.

Eye to eye.

2008-02-19T03:31:00.000-08:00

Just a quick glance, and you see her looking back.
Just a quick connection.
It makes a big difference you know.
The heart immediately jumps for joy.
Lub dub, lud dub.
The lips instantaneously express a wide and genuine smile.
Like they're gracefully pulled to the limit at opposite ends.
To know that for that single moment of the day,
you know she looked at you,
and you looked at her.
Just that one glance.
Just for that single moment.

Although you won't ever know what that really meant.

*************

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wind, Sand and Stars, 1939, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

Procrastination.

2008-02-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

Someday is not a day of the week.

My brain tells me that there is too much work, while at the same time my brain also tells me that the amount of workload does not even cross the line of exorbitance and insanity at all. It's weird. Actually, all of them are undeniably doable, and time allotment is sufficient. It's just that my time management is as horrendous as the movie Jumper.

There is too much food produced in the world - millions of tonnes of food worth billions of dollars are wasted by the human species. But there are still people suffering from starvation and malnutrition because of poor food distribution, such as the case in Africa where a multitude of people die everyday because they have nothing to eat, and in the Philippines where one out of every three children suffer from malnutrition.

Yes, and you may be wondering what the hell is the connection between time and food. Well, I don't know myself, it's just that there is too much time in the world to do a lot of things, but poor time management and the evil art of procrastination in so prevalent in the society that work seems to never end and seems to never let us get ourselves out of the idea of "I do my work at the same time each day - the last minute."

Teachers have been hearing about complaints from the students that there is an excessive flow of homework and projects given to the teachers, but I might have to disagree with the rest of my batchmates and support Dr. Hjorth's viewpoint that there is a problem with time management. Yes, I know I might sound like an antagonist now, but the fact that I can clearly visualize myself inside my head, doing my tasks and finishing them on time if and only if I can manage my daily schedule of activities, makes me think about this, of breaking off from my peers' consensus of the situation.

The dirtiest world in the world.

2008-02-16T02:39:00.000-08:00

Found it very interesting. Thanks to Yza. :)
I changed the title though.

Politics, it seems to me, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. ~Richard Armour

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and are right. ~H.L. Mencken, 1956

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. ~Clarence Darrow

Truth is not determined by majority vote. ~Doug Gwyn

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. ~Ernest Benn

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~John Quinton

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~Oscar Ameringer

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop

Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times. ~Winston Churchill

Love.

2008-02-15T04:45:00.000-08:00

In the words of a Persian sage:

Love is a disease no one wants to get rid of. Those who catch it never try to get better, and those who suffer do not wish to be cured.

The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

February 14.

2008-02-14T06:46:00.000-08:00

Have you ever felt so happy in your life?

I just did.

You know, when you smile with that genuine smile. When you are not afraid to express yourself, your feelings, ideas and emotions. When you know that there is someone who inspires you. And when there are friends who care for you as much as you care for them.

When you know that your life is doing something productive. When you know that you have a purpose to fulfill. When you know that you are an inspiration and a hope to somebody else. When you know that God is always beside you to help you in life.

I couldn't ask for more. No money and no other earthly possessions can replace love, friendship, and God's grace and mercy. My heart has its mind of its own. And it's telling me how grateful it is for every single moment that it beats for the love for God, family and friends.

I love you, you, and you, everyone. And I love the movie. Not because it makes me realize that Juno is way better, but because I wasn't watching alone.

Happy Valentines Day.

**********

You make me smile.

Honeymoon.

2008-02-12T02:14:00.000-08:00

It just came to me the realization of the kind of pathway that I took. More than a month has passed, and still I have not come to the jeez-what-the-hell-is-going-on point of my life. Well that is until today, when a teacher announced in the assembly this morning that "Honeymoon is over," and "It's time to get down to work." I was aghast and surprised with what I heard, and without any conscious rumination I burst out a loud and short sinister laugh.

Wasn't I working all this time?

Honeymoon. By the IB definition honeymoon is the process of getting that 'little' taste of the forthcoming cavalcade of homeworks and projects that the programme has to offer to students. Talk about executing acts of generosity to other people. I thought I was already on the verge of divorcing with the IB. I just realized today that I was still honeymooning with it.

But my studious alter ego says, I'm excited for the big challenge ahead.

Numb.

2008-02-10T04:15:00.000-08:00

Nothing beats a monotonous and spiritless holiday.

Imagine you are stuck in a house overflowing with Chinese goodies, Frosties, Milo, Mi Goreng, apples, oranges, chocolates, cookies, bread, and many more. Now imagine that you also have a 24-hour wireless internet connection at lightning speed. Imagine a PlayStation 3 right beside you, collecting dust but still in good condition. Then imagine that there is a swimming pool outside, with a dolphin image at the bottom of the excessively chlorinated water.

Now, imagine that you are all alone. No one else to share the gluttonous moments. No one else to watch movies with on the internet. No one to swim with you. No one to play NBA Live with you.
No one. No one.

It's quite a boring holiday, isn't it?

Not to mention that I got ZERO ang bao.
*ehem*

The real reason why I'm really looking forward to going back to school is because, finally, after this Chinese New Year holiday, I will get to do something 'productive'. Staying at home having nothing to do is actually a humane form of incarceration. You get to lock yourself up in a conducive and well-ventilated jail cell, away from the busy urban life and stress. It's fun at first, but gradually it gets draggy and repetitious and, yeah, draggy and repetitious.

*********

I'm going to see you again.

I am glad.

2008-02-08T08:28:00.000-08:00

I am glad
At least in my life
I've found someone
That may not be here forever
To see me through
But I found my strength in you
'Cause in my mind
You will stay here always,
You and I.

Never-ending.

2008-02-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, I totally don't have a clue about what's currently happening in the dirtiest, 'suckiest', most villainous, most degrading, and most sickening political world I have ever encountered in my life.

There is this US$329-million ZTE-national broadband network deal that the government has just scrapped, and this deal has led to a pandemonium in the Philippine Senate and Congress for the past few months.

The Makati Business Club announced that this scandal spells the beginning of the end of the Arroyo Administration. Duh.

Jose De Venecia was ousted from hist House Speaker post.

Arroyo's name, as well as his husband's, has been dragged (I'm not surprised) into this deal.

There is this new witness working inside the government named Rodolfo Lozada who's been making anti-Arroyo and anti-administration noises in the Congress and now he left for Hong Kong because he was forced to leave the Philippines.

Bullshit.

Can't politicans stop making such a fuss about each other? Blatantly making and/or revealing controversies about their political opponents? They should know that showbiz and politics can never be homogeneous. Can't they leave their political ambitions behind and focus all their efforts in alleviating their citizens from poverty? Can't they live in peace without their repugnant faces and names posted in every street and road and highway and overpass and lamp post and electrical post they build? Can't they just humble themselves down, stops their egos from ejaculating around congress and senate halls, cooperate with each other and forget about taking money from the nation's pool of.. wealth?

Can't they be good citizens?
Why do politicians need to be so bad?
Why does this have to be a never-ending cycle of hardships and sufferings for the Filipinos?

******

I'm wondering if like is the same as love.

Gong xi fa cai.

2008-02-06T03:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to everyone. :)

Mister Koch.

2008-02-06T03:24:00.000-08:00

I imagined him as a fine young Caucasian man with a humongous forehead, a humongous mustache and an even more humongous beard.

I was right. Helge Von Koch looked exactly like the man I imagined. My ventromedial kept on flickering within the contours of my white and grey matter, producing an incessant flow of luminous neon lights which danced inside my head. This is going to be an interesting project, I told myself.

But this time, I was wrong. I struggled like a baby who wanted to walk so badly on two feet. Von Koch practically ruined my devotion for mathematics. He made my life so complicated. He made me hate the subject. Last night I was wondering whether or not I could finish the project on time. Surprisingly, I did.

And today was the official day of parting, as I bade goodbye to Mr. Koch in a school ritual called "homework submission". It involves pieces of papers as the ultimate sacrifice offered by the student to the teacher. Upon handing the sacrifice to my teacher then I realized the many many things I have learnt in the project. But that does not mean that I'm ready to forgive Mr. Koch.

******

I still don't know why I told you
this feeling i have inside my heart

Constantly.

2008-02-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

I knew it was there
Though I tried to hide it
The feeling just kept on shining through
Haven’t known you that long
So I try to deny it
But the feeling was much too
Much too strong

Could this be love
Deep down inside
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart

Constantly, you’re on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can’t sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking ‘bout you

Why do I feel this way
When I know you have someone
That you’re seeing each and everyday
Should I play this game
Of just being that’s not where I want it to end

How could this be wrong
When it feels so strong
Tearing me apart
I feel it in my heart
No I don’t want to start
No trouble
Between you and I and you lover
But I must tell you what I’m going through
Everytime you walk by
I see love in your eyes

You make me smile.

2008-02-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt this feeling for years.
Really.
I just can't believe that things could turn out so differently in such a short span of time.
I never thought I would be dragged into it once more.
I promised myself not to fall into it; but once more I have proven myself to be emotionally weak and in flamboyantly poor in restraining my feelings.
Thank goodness I still have the willpower to keep it, in a way, at least, a secret.

Okay, I'm making no sense here, I think.
But never have I felt this happy.

***********

You don't know how much you make me smile.

I hope you feel the same way too.

Should I tell you how much you make me smile?

Oops, twice already.

***********

I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.

Everytime.

2008-01-29T06:17:00.001-08:00

I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last
But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause everytime I see your face
My heart does begin to race every time

One half want me to go
Other half wants me to stay
I just get so all confused

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast
'Cause every time I fall in love
It seems to never last

But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
'Cause every time
My heart does begin to race every time

I'm scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast

'Cause every time I fall in love
It seems to never last

Every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear

'Cause every time I see your face
My heart does begin to race every time

Every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear

'Cause every time I see your face
Could it be that this will be the one that lasts

The fear does start to erase every time
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts

For all my times

Information.

2008-01-29T02:47:00.001-08:00

ERAP: Hello, I would like to inquire how long is the flight from Manila to San Francisco?

OPERATOR: Just a minute, sir.

ERAP: Ok, thank you. (click)

O Level Results.

2008-01-26T21:14:00.001-08:00

It's over.

We never know, believe me, when we have succeeded best. ~Miguel de Unamuno, Essays and Soliloquies, 1925

Last night's dream.

2008-01-26T16:01:00.000-08:00

It was a peaceful night. The tree outside the window swayed with the autumn wind; the peculiar side to side movement of the branches looked like a friendly gesture of bidding farewell. I just finished taking a night shower, and was changing to my pajamas. The next thing I knew was that I heard a loud thud coming from the basement, thunderous thuds which shook the whole house.

"Is anyone there?"
I turn on the lights.

"Is anyone there?"

I started walking towards the end of the staircase leading to the basement.

"Answer me."

A propulsion of green flames emanating from his mouth overwhelmed the pitch-black darkness of the basement, moving very rapidly in a circular manner, surrounding him. Countless objects were swept by the strong gust of flames. The whole basement was burning bright green. It was about to collapse. At one end of the room he begins to lose mobility, although it seemed to me that he was floating in midair, crying, wailing, struggling. The rays of light burned his nightwear, his hair, leaving him naked and helpless. I was horrified. As I gathered all my strength to come even closer, I notice that the man at that far corner of the room is me.

Art.

2008-01-26T03:07:00.000-08:00

One thing that fascinates me is the ability of the human mind to imagine, to animate, and the capability of the human hands to contour the pen's directions in many ways and apply varying degrees of pressure so as to produce lifelike images.

I am a frustrated artist, like many people out there. I won't consider myself as someone who can draw fabulously, but I believe that with my unfurnished skills I would have been able to qualify to take art as a subject, with the Creative Art Programme being the most probable opportunity to begin progressing and improving in a career which hardly guarantees a good future, and more importantly, a good pay.

***

The guy stared at me with a kind of a beguiling stare that makes you feel your sphincter bladder is losing strength. Shit, I can't pee here, hold on please.

"Dude, I heard you wanted to take art."
"Well, I'm considering... but I'm not good in art. I don't think I can do well."
"Do you really want to take art? It's kinda tough, ya know."

A wave of valuable information I heard earlier washed away my plans of saying yes.

"I don't know."
"You should have decided about that a long time ago."
"And the school gave me a triple science combination. I'm in 336."
"Oh. I thought you are in 334?"
"I thought so too."
"Lex and your Filipino seniors are in 434."
"I know that."
"Hahaha, all classes are the same."
"Really. I see the room numbers and they already look so different to me."
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, you should have decided about taking art a long time ago."

I remembered what heard earlier that morning.

"As far as I could remember I was in primary 2 when I first thought about taking art. But I think I'll be taking biology."
"Hahaha. You're lame dude. Very well. Oh, I have to go see my teacher. See you in school."
"Bye."

I heard that my school's distinction rate for Art in O Levels is always 100%.

So I decided not to take the subject.

***

And I realized today, what the hell does drawing shit have anything to do with my results.
Nothing will change the printed ink on my certificate.

So what.

2008-01-24T09:00:00.000-08:00

"So what made you become a deejay?" she said curiously.

"Oh, I don't know. I wasn't very good at work. Scraped through A levels. I spent more time listening to radio than studying."

"So who did you like?"

"The Beatles, of course. Jefferson Starship. Marc Bolan. David Bowie-but that was much later-"

"Hey, I liked him too." She raised her eyebrows expressively. "I think he's cool. Besides," she added thoughtfully, "you're not stupid."

"Why-thank you-" but she had to wait, as the record playing had come to an end. He spoke deejay patter into the mike and spun his next record.

"-about my not being stupid," he said encouragingly , grinning.

"Well," she said. "What's a crummy mark anyway?" It just shows how you did well in a test at a certain date at some point in your life. But no one here buys that. The other Asians in my school in LA, they were all crammers too. Some crazy tomfool idea of success. It's their parents' fault. Look, maybe you and I can't study. So what? It's just one facet of learning. I don't see why a guy who can memorize facts is necessarily smarter than a guy who can surf really well. It's just-" she frowned- "different centres of the brain being sharper than the rest."

an excerpt from "Lee" by Claire Tham, first published in 1990

Big difference.

2008-01-24T08:33:00.001-08:00

A A A A A A A

Seven As. Seven subjects.
So what about straight As.
Didn't get six points anyway.
Who cares about how many As you get.
Who does?

They only care about the "1" beside the A.

I should have gotten worse; that would be easier for me to accept.
Getting some A2s is just too painful.
I'd rather have them give me a B.

Time machine.

2008-01-21T01:54:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the SJI International physics laboratory is a distorted version of a time machine. Distorted, because the human mind has already been influenced by the media in regards to how a time machine should look like if ever it has existed. In the case of Doraemon's time machine we may argue that the time machine itself is the biggest joke known to mankind.

Earlier this morning, as I transcended through the scalar quantity that we call time, my thoughts began to whirl around in a concentric manner, at a certain vantage point inside my memories where as far as I can remember I was sitting down in a similar place with a bunsen burner in front, two or three faucets, a dirty towel, and an uncomfortable stool. Practical. Yes, it was the physics practical. I was fumbling, my hands were sweating, my heart galloping, chasing time, it seemed that time was too fast, or maybe I was just too slow? I did not know. All I could remember was drawing this stupid idiotic graph that was totally horrendous and indecent-looking. It looked like a longitudinal section of half of a bra cup with a decapitated tip, leaving a straight horizontal line on top which connected the remaining two crosses I have plotted on the graph paper. Up to you to imagine how it looked like. Oh yeah, I also remembered that I did not bother to answer the paper's last question. Who did anyway. Shame on you if you did.

And yes, it seemed like time has rewound itself a couple of months and days for me to reminisce the deliveration of the two years of hardships and sufferings under the indirect powerful reign of the O Level markers.

Yes, master, we will answer the questions in accordance to your instructions.

And soon I came back to my present world. What a relief. I hear Mr. Saranam in front talking about deriving formulas to find velocity, acceleration, speed, time, distance traveled, etcetera. It was actually easy. I was looking at this graph he drew on the board, and as he was painstakingly drawing the line showing the deceleration of an object, without any relevant connection whatsoever I realized that I will be getting my GCE O Level Certificate this coming Thursday.

Hope my grades won't decelerate.

Heroes.

2008-01-19T08:48:00.001-08:00

It is a rare opportunity to meet people with amazing and unbelievable superpowers.

Anyway, I would like to thank Auntie Jo and Annabelle for the barbecue party. It was awesome!

**************

More bbq party photos.

Niko and I.

Mr. Lightning and Mr. Tornado.

Superhuman Hypnotizer and two normal earthlings.

Water Goddess and Hypnotizer.

Free.

2008-01-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

Texas Instrument Graphic Calculator TI-84 Plus.

An International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme requirement for Mathematics and Sciences.

An exorbitantly expensive gadget for school use.

In the outside world, it's no use.

I just got it for free today.

:P

Being yourself.

2008-01-16T05:22:00.000-08:00

That is why it is so important to let certain things go.
To release them.
To cut loose.

People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards;
sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.

Don't expect to get anything back,
don't expect recognition for your efforts,
don't expect your genius to be discovered
or your love to be understood.

Complete the circle.
Not out of pride,
inability or arrogance,
but simply because whatever it is
no longer fits your life.

Close the door,

change the record,

clean the house,

get rid of the dust.

Stop being who you were
and become who you are.

~The Zahir, Paulo Coelho

Love angst.

2008-01-16T02:02:00.000-08:00

She waves her hand. Suddenly you feel the whole world shaking, as if there is an earthquake, and your body feels so heavy you can't move. You can barely move, to be more precise. Shit, this ceiling above me is going to bury me alive. You try to smile, but your mouth seems to be superimposed with scotch tape. A thick one. And a cheap one. She says hi. Upon hearing that hi you immediately feel a tingling sensation inside you. You don't really know what it is. Excited? Afraid? Nervous? Aroused?

She walks towards your direction. In a catwalk fashion. She becomes more visible as she approaches you. Darn, don't come near me. You see those long, slender legs. Gosh, if you are only mine. If you are only mine. You feel like grabbing her to feel her heartbeat next to yours. To smell her fragrant, shiny, silky black her. To see her eye to eye. To touch her lips. To feel her hips with your gentle fingertips. And to say, can you be my girl?

She comes. She's so near to you. You are almost fainting. You're drenching in sweat. Damn, not in a time like this, you exclaim to yourself. You start to open your arms, ready to welcome her to your heart, the love of your life, the apple of your eye, when all of a sudden she passes by your side, glances at you for a while, walks a few more steps behind, then squeaks like a trampled mouse, and finally runs like a bimbotic ostrich as her beefcake ostrich boyfriend appears over the horizon.

*********

I always wonder why people easily give in to such satirical remarks about them being like by someone of the opposite sex.

"Um... really?"

"Yeah!! And she's like head over heels!"

"Well... how'd you know about this?" *blushes*

"Somebody told somebody who told somebody, and that somebody told me like five minutes ago? Jeez man u look like tomato, stop blushing!" *snickers*

"I'm not blushing!"

"Yes you are. Admit it man, you like her too!"

"Well... um.. Why do you think she likes me?"

"Who knows? I couldn't believe it myself! It seems she's gone mad after she failed her physics test."

"Thanks a lot, dude."

Bonjour.

2008-01-14T07:11:00.000-08:00

I see myself in this awkward situation of having to explain everything to my friends about my current life here in Singapore. It's a tremendous task of saying the same things over and over, like a teacher telling tales of Physics to a new cohort of lazy students every year, and it has made me feel exhausted to hear the same responses emanating from a multitude of inquiring mouths.

Wow.
Shit man.
F**k!
Chey.
Walao so good!
I'm so jealous of you!!
Damn!

And it makes me feel guilty to be living in a state of "luxury", as what many of them say, although we jolly well know that me and my friends here are deprived of some friendly company and tolerable noise in this residence situated far from the hustle and bustle of downtown Singapore. Nevertheless, I am grateful to be here, and with the comfy bed and pillow alone I am wonderfully satisfied with my new home. Thanks be to God. :)

************

And, I am starting to loooove French.

Bonjour, je m'appelle Rowland.
Et toi, comment t'appelles-tu?

A beautiful language indeed. Oh how I long for the day that I could finally and beautifully swear in French.

************

The IB Diploma Programme rocks, by the way. So far.
I loooove it too. As for now.

************

Au revoir.

I feel afraid whenever I see you.

2008-01-14T02:17:00.001-08:00

Inferiority complex.

This effing inferiority complex is driving me crazy.

Why should I feel this way?

What is wrong with me?

Effing inferiority complex.

And effing personality.

I shouldn't be feeling this way.

I don't understand myself.

Online gropers.

2008-01-13T07:28:00.000-08:00

Ok.

Whew.

Somebody just sent me a message in friendster that goes like this:

ask ko long ko ha..
bisexual u??
hilig u guro sa sex trip ano??
want to be your friend lng naman ano man??
ok lng bah??

- now that's what I call a nightmare. Much more terrifying than Sadako.

We log in to online sites to meet friends. We join online sites so that we can keep in touch with our distant friends. We create accounts in friendster, facebook, multiply, etcetera, in order to meet new people whom we can develop wholesome friendships with. Well that's the moral idea of joining them. But it is really a horrendous fact that online sites are now hot spots for sexually-driven, maniacal, and horny gay predatory bastards who prey on penises and testicles to satisfy their sexual appetites. This is not only the first time I have encountered such online gropers; it seems that there are a lot of them lurking around the vast ocean we call cyberspace.

Oh sheet. Not a gay Sadako please.

Furthermore, there are also female ones, and normally (yes, normally) they would say things like

"hey, it just happened that i stumbled to your site, and I actually found you quite interesting."

or like

"Hey, what's up? Wanna chat?"

then they would give a link to some site, and once you click on the link...

pooof..

You know what i mean..

*******

(Where's the decency in this world?!)