It really saddens me more when I read happy blogs. I feel like I'm in a shit-why-is-everyone-else-so-happy kind of mood. To hear stories about people who have just enjoyed their day with their friends, hanging out and making fun out of random things. It makes me realise how alone and how unsatisfying my life is.

Well, I'm not blaming anyone. I'm slashing my own wrists by forcing myself to feel such things. It's just that, there are so many things going around my head these past few days that no one else knows, problems which I have been keeping to myself for ages. Problems which, even if I announce to the whole world, would do no harm nor help for me. Life has been undeniably unbearable. January and February were amazing months for me, but as the March holidays started, everything just seems to become a rubbish pile of bad memories unworthy of reminiscing.

I look at myself at the mirror and I see a living corpse. I even wonder if I'm still alive. I even wonder if I exist now. People seemed to have changed, all of them. Or is it just me?
Most friends have left, but fortunately some have not forgotten about me. Guess that's the only good thing worth cherishing now. School is becoming a hell. At first, work was always good. No matter how difficult it was, work was always good. Now, I can't even tell myself that.

And the past. It keeps haunting me back.
And love? It's non-existent now.

Well, the very essence about all these things, is that I know the reason why I'm feeling this.
He knows it.
He understands.
He's just waiting for me to come back.