I know this is too late to do it, but I just feel that obligatory sense running through my head, as if this was some unfinished homework in its epitomic miserableness in dire need of attention and dedication. Just kidding, John. :D
Well, I was just busy these past few days, doing homework, projects, those sorts of activities that require mental and emotional mutilation. School has been a concoction of happy and depressing moments, which makes it kind of 'not boring'. At one time, you feel so delighted, and then suddenly after a while you go on an emotional rampage. Which is kind of cool, 'cause it's not a monotonous, monochromatic life I usually encounter during my holidays. There are ups and downs, gauches and droites, bitch talks and praises, fallacies and rhetorical ploys, whatever.
And so, I just feel that it is my obligation to post this photo on my blog, although Joey has the same photo on hers.
It was fun guys. I enjoyed it. See Joey's blog for a recount of what happened. I'm too lazy to do it. It's so good to be 18, John, isn't it?
And it's Eskor's Labour Day Birthday today. :D happy eighteenth as well.
*********
September seems to be so far away.
Monday, April 28, 2008
06:11
He contrived a clever way to escape. Managed to pull it off. Everyone believed what he said.
But at first, he didn't mean it. Everything he said was a lie.
Now, things have changed. Like the single fraction of time that has just passed by, the past will never come back again. He's ready to face the new reality. The dream that he made for himself has finally come true.
But it is a fact that he lied; he can never be forgiven.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
05:42
sji-I.
It's so hard to mix oil with water. The oil always floats on top while the water sinks to the bottom.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
10:08
fantastic. i tell you. fantastic. By the way, he's half-Filipino.
05:18
The dressing room.
Dressing rooms. If you don't know what dressing rooms are, go to a nearby mall.
Dressing rooms are unique in the sense that they are for the public's private use, and they are located in the cornermost areas you never knew existed. Which makes them perfect hotspots for adventurous souls.
Giggles and shrieks and laughters, followed by occasional 'uuuhhhs' and 'aahhhhs'.
Good heavens. Didn't they realize that everyone can hear them? John Little must be having fun with someone else inside.
Oh, and by the way, if you do plan to venture, do bring your undies back home. People might mistake it for a lost display underwear.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
05:51
old and new.
You never know what lies ahead. Before, you wished for it so badly. And now, you don't even think of it. Like you've forgotten it. Cause you've found something else. As if it was last year's i pod classic left to rot inside the cupboard; you thought you lost it, and you never knew that it's always been there, but you never realized it was because you have found yourself your brand new i pod touch.
**********
oh, i totally forgot to greet Calvin Sy a happy birthday!! ): happy belated birthday man. Sorry I wasn't able to meet you guys at OH. All the best in your JC life!
Monday, April 21, 2008
08:43
Refusal.
It really saddens me more when I read happy blogs. I feel like I'm in a shit-why-is-everyone-else-so-happy kind of mood. To hear stories about people who have just enjoyed their day with their friends, hanging out and making fun out of random things. It makes me realise how alone and how unsatisfying my life is.
Well, I'm not blaming anyone. I'm slashing my own wrists by forcing myself to feel such things. It's just that, there are so many things going around my head these past few days that no one else knows, problems which I have been keeping to myself for ages. Problems which, even if I announce to the whole world, would do no harm nor help for me. Life has been undeniably unbearable. January and February were amazing months for me, but as the March holidays started, everything just seems to become a rubbish pile of bad memories unworthy of reminiscing.
I look at myself at the mirror and I see a living corpse. I even wonder if I'm still alive. I even wonder if I exist now. People seemed to have changed, all of them. Or is it just me? Most friends have left, but fortunately some have not forgotten about me. Guess that's the only good thing worth cherishing now. School is becoming a hell. At first, work was always good. No matter how difficult it was, work was always good. Now, I can't even tell myself that.
And the past. It keeps haunting me back. And love? It's non-existent now.
Well, the very essence about all these things, is that I know the reason why I'm feeling this. He knows it. He understands. He's just waiting for me to come back.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
02:07
She is a complicated woman. One look at her, and you will already notice that she's that friendly sort of person, who would love to talk to you about everything in the world, until the sun has died out and moon has vanquished beneath the darkness of the sky. She's that sort of woman who would encourage you to keep on trying to do your best amidst the severities of life brought about by the powerful thing we call 'high expectations' from the many people who still try not to believe that you are intellectually incapacitated. 'I think if you try, you can do it,' is the cliched and humane version of 'Do well, or I'll send you home'.
Anyway, back to her.
She's that type of person that you will meet on the road and not know about her unless you google her name on your computer. She makes weird remarks, as if she was her own punctuation at the end of every sentence she says. She expresses her feelings in a different manner, as if she was from some landlocked tribe deep in the heart of a jungle. She looks at you as if she can see through your clothes, and it makes you feel weird. She has this magical aura encapsulating her, and it's contagious.
I happened to bump into her again today, in a place where I never expected we would meet, and the memories just seemed to rush inside myself like a raging river. I missed you, and I never knew it until I saw you again.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
03:08
I walk along that road everyday. You never knew. I always stop by for a while, to catch a glimpse of you. The shiny, straight, jet black hair, that makes me always stop and stare The first day I saw you smile, I told myself it's true
That I want to know you more, I want to know your name I wish to hold your hand, and hold mine just the same I wish to see you smile, and look into my eyes I think I'm feeling something, a new love in disguise.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
04:38
don't make me do it. please.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
03:29
Anonymity and Unknowability,
I may not know who Mr. Anonymous and Mr. Author Unknown are, but surely, whatever comes out of their mouths always becomes immortalized in the world of quotes and sayings. I have been making an occasional quote-hopping over the internet these past few weeks, for a reason uncharted inside my head, amidst the fact that the demand for schoolwork has been increasing exponentially.
I blame ACSI(IB) for this. haha. Blaming in a good way. The first batch of IB students in ACSI did so fantastically well in their IB exams, that they shook everyone in the Singapore IB world out of their bums. Now, as SJII has started its first year in IB, they want us to do the same feat. I understand the unfathomable desire to do well. To exceed expectations. I understand the horrible workload. Actually it's a good thing. But, I'm still too emotionally unstable to stand up without having to hold onto the rails inside the IB train. I feel like alighting at the nearest stop to take a breather. I feel like escaping the confines of the train. I feel like pushing the emergency button. That green button, red button, whatever button that is.
Well, back to the real topic. I've been reading quotes about promises. A promise made is debt unpaid. ~Robert Service The promises of yesterday are the taxes of today. ~William Lyon MacKenzie Promises are like crying babies inside a theatre, they should be carried out at once. ~Norman Vincent Peale
But I think the best quotes ever are either from Mr. Anonymous or Mr. Author Unknown. Like this one:
Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver. ~Author Unknown
See?
Anyway, I just made a promise with Nalaka and Savy, and it's the biggest promise I have made so far, because it involves my emotional aspect of life. You know, when you promise not to do or not to feel something that you want to do or feel so badly. When you can't just sit still in one place because that something keeps on recurring in your mind over and over? When you can't just keep it to yourself and want to tell other people how much, how badly, how seriously you want to express that something?
That's the promise I made. I just committed an emotional suicide. I'll be going nuts soon.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
22:24
Convoluted convo.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: haha, how is it ever possible to like someone when you don't share your feelings and stuff with the other person?
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: i mean, talking about your personal life and things, that not everyone gets to know.
.rowland. says: so you mean.. what?
.rowland. says: what do you mean
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: I mean, how is it possible to like someone without knowing alot about the person and his/her true life and personality
.rowland. says: haha.
.rowland. says: hmm.. good question.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: which is why ***** *** * **** **** ***.
.rowland. says: but the better question is: why is it that when we know a person's true life and personality, we can't bring ourselves to like him/her anymore.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: no, we can. I mean, if you can share everything with him/her and you learn to accept his/her pros and cons... wouldn it make a better relationship. rather than liking on the superficial.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: **** ****** *** *******, who would soon *** i think.
.rowland. says: haha.
.rowland. says: maybe.
.rowland. says: quite true.
.rowland. says: BUT the world doesnt turn around the way you think it is.
.rowland. says: it doesnt work that way.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: okay I am blur.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: haha
.rowland. says: you like someone because you find something special in him/her.. and then.. you admit.. both admit.. and there comes the knowing process. you get to know each other along the way. if you each other along very well, then the relationship stabilizes. but if you fail to know each other, it just rots like a banana left on the table for days
.rowland. says: you can't just possibly say. hey. i want to know more about you, so that when i truly know who you are, i can start liking you,
.rowland. says: isnt that styupid
.rowland. says: *stupid
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: okay
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: it makes sense now.
[Lin³] ♥ Because if I folded a thousand cranes, they would be for you. says: haha
18:47
A long post after a long abstinence.
I have been thinking about what to blog about since a million things have happened to me in this vast expanse of two weeks, one little thing after another, day after day, like components of a BigMac piled up high, squeezed between bread buns, forming a complex, harmonious, and delicious delight worth feasting over and over again.
Okay, I'll talk about yesterday because it's the freshest BigMac I have in my mind right now.
Yesterday was a pretty long day, a pretty long day indeed, a happy and enjoyable and tiring day for me. I woke up at 830 am, abhorrently early, and got myself ready to go to school to do my mathematics project. As usual, the bus ride + 'walk' ride to school was a cataclysmic change to my mood. It seemed like forever when you ride on bus 14 and then bus 162, and then climb the overpass like you're climbing a mountain, and climb the SJII hill as if hell was above the earth and not below the ground. And Juns!! She said she was coming in twenty minutes. Her twenty minutes seemed to be a lot shorter than what I thought twenty minutes could be, 'cause she had a nice comfy car to ride on while on the other hand I had to rely on my nearly-obliterated feet to bring myself all the way to school. We tried opening the grade 11 center but it was closed, as what we expected. I gathered all my guts to storm Mr. Bennett's office with a dazzling smile, a smile of solicitation, and fortunately we were granted permission to use the center. But the guard was nowhere to be found so we weren't able to open it up. Sarah then arrived, wondering why in the world Rowland was in the school as well. Samantha then arrived, also wondering why in the world Rowland was in the school as well. I went scavenging for the guard, and I found him enjoying the pleasures of solitude outside the chapel. He was trailing me behind as if I had a rope tied around him, bringing him in front of the center. Finally, the door was opened, and we spent our time doing our own school agendas.
And as usual, distractions can never be avoided. Sameer appeared, and obviously, I ended up fooling around with him. Notepad conversations are fun! Sam: SOMEONES GETTING *****! GO ROWLAND!!!!!!
Sam: so? Well on a scale of one to ten... how much do u **** ***?
Rowland: 8
Sam: WOW! That more or less a C****!! NEARLY A BIG ONE!
Rowland: I DUNNO. I L*** *** BUT I DUN WANNA BE A******D (THAT IS, IF *** ***** ME ***). NO ** POLICY
Sam: YEA i understand the no ** policy but asking you to c*** **** means something rowie.. something juicy! What say u?
Rowland: Well. I dun really give a shit. Cant be bothered
Sam: well i think u might be bothered a little cos you actually **** here at 10 even though u c**** h*** s****d h**e and s***p... That means something rowie. You cant fool me. Im Dr Feelgood, the PhD in *** hahaaa =D
Rowland: (nods)
Sam: hahaaa =D WOOO HOO that means YES! do i will not... we are discussing about your possible future **********... this is juicy stuff baby
Rowland: future ********** apa?!?! are u kidding me
Sam: nope common.., anything can happen. you know it. listen to the song. u wouldnt want to miss a thing no? apa? you dont want to a** h** o** at least?
Rowland: i will be distracted like u are distracting me now
Sam: with good reason
Rowland: damn u
Sam: you dig? homie? dont miss a thing. i think *** asking you to **** **** means **** ***** you. and i am getting hungry
Rowland: ***'* just being friendly DUH. i'm hungry too
Sam: friendly.. PUHLEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ LIES. U KNOW. OK.... MY LOVE HUNGRY FRIEND
Rowland: ANYWAY. ***** IZ **** TOO =d
Sam: is that how u play now huh? well i dont **** *** anymore... hahaha ...!!!!! comeback of the year.
Rowland: haha i soooooooooo dont believe you actually.. yeah i believe you
Sam: hahaahahah one night and one more time thanks for the memories. :P
Rowland: lemme do my work
Sam: k. now i will mr imperial **n****.
Another distraction came to life in the form of Sid. Sid and Sam needed to do their TOK project, and I felt it was more necessary than my maths project, so I decided to lend my laptop to them. They ended up in msn and crashing into my search history. Perverts. I know how to erase my search history dude. hahaha
At around 1pm, Juns, Sameer, Sid, Sarah, and I went to Novena Square to eat lunch at Subway. As usual, I had an Italian B.M.T. As far as I can remember, I have only eaten two types of Subway meal. Cold Cut Trio and Italian B.M.T. We saw Mr. Bennett and his granddaughter! She was mad at Juns and Sarah, ignored poor Sid, and played with Sam. But she was staring at me for the longest time. Hahaha. Am I the father material? haha.
I needed to hurry up to go back to school, so I took a cab and Sam and Sid tagged along with me. There was a huge traffic jam. It was so annoying; to see the taxi meter increasing exponentially was catastrophic. I was frustrated. I just got my allowance! My freaking allowance! And there's a traffic jam! Shit?
I arrived in school for the choir performance. 'Impromptu' choir performance, according to Brother Michael. Of course, indubitably it was impromptu. And it was screwed up too. But I didn't care. I never even thought anyone was listening to us anyway. Of course, for formality's sake, they clapped for us, an indirect way of saying to us 'thank goodness it's over'.
Gabriel, Jessica, Weijie, Rachel, Timothy, and I stayed in the Grade 11 center after the choir thing. I continued doing my mathematics project, and I was happy that I got the will to do it. The rest of them were just having fun, fooling around, and I just realized that eavesdropping is actually a very good form of entertainment. :)
Six in the evening has cuckooed and we decided to leave the school. Gabriel and I were waiting on the SJII bus stop for bus 132, while Rachel was on the opposite side of the road. And guess what. They were asking for each other's numbers while they were like... what.. 20 metres apart?
It's so cool. Rachel is there right at the other bus stop, and the two of them seemed like weird people doing weird signs on the road. I wonder what the drivers on the road thought about them.
I went to CJC Hostel to meet up Nalaka, my junior Eunice, my senior Rheyza and my batchmate Kenneth. After that, Nalaka, Eunice and I went to SJI for the Drama Night. We were the earliest ones to arrive because I thought the show starts on 730 in the evening. It was to start at around 8. Eunice and Nalaka got very pissed off with me, but once they learned that I got their tickets tickets for free as well, they began to act like little angels beside me. Ha. We decided to grab a bite at a small restaurant in Tanglin CC, and I tell you, that you must never go there even if you're dying to eat. No need to elaborate.
We watched the SJI drama night, "Out of Order", and I was so happy to see my ex CCA mates who acted in the play, they all did really really well. The play was very good, although I didn't like the beginning part with all the nonsensical dance items. The main themes of the story were conventional, father-son conundrums, teenage angst, rebellion, misunderstandings, puppy love, betrayal, but it's these things that move most audiences' hearts. I loved the play. And I would like to commend Ms. Gerri and Mr. Johnson especially for the spectacular show. Thanks Mr. Johnson for the free tickets. I owe you a lot. :)
After the play, the host (Eunice) and the two parasites (Nalaka and I) went to Island Creamery and grabbed a tub of Nutella ice cream courtesy of Eunice. that's why I referred to her as the host. It was fun, discussing random stuff. We met Jared Koh and Delvin Goh around there. After gaining all those calories from the ice cream, we decided to burn them all by accompanying Eunice to NYGBS. The hostel that looks like a mansion inside but actually it's a hell inside (according to her) :D
Nalaka and I suddenly thought about exploring the Bukit Timah area bacause we knew that quite a number of our classmates live around there. But we dismissed the notion when I noticed that Nalaka was getting sleepy. Instead, we went to Orchard to buy Amanda an ez-link card, and after that another shitty bus ride back home.
It may not sound as fun and exciting when it's written down in words, but that day was a happy day for me. A really happy day for me.
