Sometimes, decisions turn out to be wrong at the end, when you decide not to bother knowing about the kind of business that you are going to enter.

We clown around, play hokey-pokey with emotions, like some Holloween shenanigan activity in the middle of the night, a trick-or-treat house-to-house bazaar where we simply come and go, collect our candies, and leave ourselves with tooth decay for the rest of our lives. Yes, as simple and as fast, and the ill-effects as permanent as that. Or maybe one would think that it's merely a sudden burst of hormones inside the body, leaving us frantically crazy and retarded for a while.

However we may feel different, and the feeling lingers for a while, sometimes even for a long time, a very very long time. We hoped yesterday, we hope today, and we are expected to hope tomorrow... and on the next day.. and on the next one... and on the day after that. And after that, like any other normal human being, we begin to get sick of it, and eventually, without even realizing, we've already forgotten about it and have moved on with our lives. As if nothing stupendous has happened in the past which made us awfully stupid.

We may have sensed that it's wrong at certain turning points of our lives. And sometimes, we just can't get away with it and keep on going back to it no matter how much painful or weird or terrible it is. We are stuck in a labyrinth, walking in circles, not literally, and we keep on going back to the same starting point. We can't seem to have any vantage point at all, because we can't see through walls. We can only look at the sky above, and we can only shout in despair, and swear, and even utter prayers, and they would be merely carried along by the wind to some other place we never know. We get infuriated and irritated by them, which, if only we could break through, would lead us directly to another place where we want us to be.

We may have forgotten about it, but sometimes it just comes back to you by itself, like a ghost for the weak in faith, or it can also be described as a boomerang, for those who are afraid of ghost stories. It 's crazy. It seems like it doesn't want to go away from you forever. Like, it wants to make a mark on your life: that you, you stupid human being, was disillusioned by some besotted adolescent emotion and incarcerated deep within the abyss of unnecessary self-pity and low self-esteem at this point in life.

I hate it when I start to feel like this. I lose all my concentration in school.