rowlandanthonyimperial
Thursday, January 10, 2008
05:16
Beautiful Liar.
First day funk.
It seems to me that I always have this some sort of difficulty mingling with new people for the first time. Whatever the occasion is, wherever the place might be, a school, an international school, an IB school, an expensive school, a new school, a Lasallian school, it is truly a challenge for me to take the risk of saying 'hi' or 'hello' to someone and end up being beautifully rejected for the shallow reason that I look like a regurgitated piece of expired satay to him or her.
Of course, no one thought of me that way for this week. I guess. I still possess that obvious tinge of shyness emblazoned right smack on the face, a very prominent indication of the presence of anti-social-ness and introversion. I am not. I am loud. noisy. very noisy. extremely noisy. I can't just stay put and shut up forever. I always love to go around messing around with other people. Even more wonderful if they're of my age. Most wonderful if they're already very old. I just love taking part in destructive and constructive arguments. Oh, how beautiful the art of fighting is. I love to play. Not basketball, not soccer, of course. But it takes time. A long time.
Actually, I wasn't even able to show how overtly extroverted I really am when I studied at SJI. I lived for two years wondering whether people would appreciate me if I would show myself as such, in a boys' school to make matters worse, and so with that confounding notion I had to resort to being quiet and reserved, a big lie I was indeed, and in a way, an un-horny guy which was so unlike the rest of SJI boys. And maybe because of that I received my honorary prefect tie, a very boastful tie to be honest, a tie which separates the school into different castes, a tie which, in a way, helped me to get my A1 for CCA. Thank you for that.
I still don't know if I should be myself this time. Should I be quiet? Should I be introverted? Should I be noisy? Should I act as if I am smart? Or should I act dumb? Or should I just be physically present there, but socially absent? Or should I ecstatically mingle with other people the way I usually mingle with my close friends? A lot of quotations, sayings and proverbs are filled with flowery, verbose words of encouragement to 'be yourself'. Ha. As if they do the same thing. We're all beautiful liars. Shakira and Beyonce can prove that to you with matching belly tidal waves.
